The Kindred
by Khaleesi21
Summary: Jackson Teller knows exactly what hate does to a man, how it tears at him, turns him in to something he's not. In the final hour he's found its not the ending he imagined but perhaps the new beginning he's always craved and yet never thought possible, one that he won't have to face alone. Jax/ OC. Contains some S6 Spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N ((Hopefully everyone likes the new idea, I think it has great potential. Kurt Sutter owns all SOA. Contains mature themes, swearing, mentions of abuse/torture.))**

Control.

It was life's great lie, it's most elaborate illusion.

He'd spent the better half of seven years convincing himself of its hollow nonexistent truth, and he'd gladly accepted the lie with open arms.

Anything to avoid being held accountable for his successes, his mistakes, two sides to the same coin.

You are in control.

Of your life.

Of your consequences.

Of the people around you.

Fuck, none of it was true, not one Goddamn thing.

It had been so simple, in the beginning as things usually are to turn a blind eye to what had always been doomed from the start. What had begun as noble, pure intentions had mutated in to something he could no longer recognize. It had been easier than he would ever dare to admit, to assume invincibility, and deny the mistakes had stacked up like firewood, chopped kindling just waiting for someone to light the match.

Imagine his surprise, when he realized it had been burning down around him all along.

For every problem he solved, it seemed as if three more rose in its place. The universe sneering down at him as he did everything and anything to save them, even if it meant sacrificing himself.

No matter the outcome, it hadn't been without its unexpected and disappointing betrayals. No one could fault him for that. Not anymore.

He could freely admit now that it terrified him a great deal of the time, of what he'd done, what he was doing, and what he might have to do. The fear wasn't crippling. No, it had been an undeniable thrill, how he'd craved it like a drug, using that rush of terror to justify the terrible, often violent actions both planned and spontaneous. None of it stopping him from being bombarded by the tremendous amount of remorse for the acts of violence, and nothing brought him more sorrow then his uncanny ability to justify his behavior. There was always a cause, a need that allowed him to feed this savage desire.

He could never stop.

It was in his DNA.

Long before the events of the past year, Jax become aware of the days, often weeks when he avoided his own reflection in the mirror.

Nothing and no one was immune to the contamination of power, because everyone, even he had fallen under the weight of greed. He'd become the thing, the one he hated most.

His personal road to Hell had been paved with the best of intentions, and Jackson Teller had laid every brick himself.

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Eight months, a single grain of sand in the hour-glass of time had passed by and life moved on regardless of its events, the world kept turning.

Sitting with his back against the tomb stone, Jax squinted briefly up at the fractured fragments of sunlight filtering through the tall pines. The cool breeze ruffling the loose strands of hair that has slipped from behind his ears, tickling his face, ignoring the sensation he shifted his gaze down. Twisting the thick silver rings, turning them round and round before he casually slipped off the farthest ring on his hand holding it in the palm of his hand.

His wedding ring.

The glaring symbol of his most recent and tragic failure felt oddly heavy, the mere sight left a bitter acidic taste in the back of his throat, a harsh pang in his heart. He hadn't been lying when he'd told Tara he would never intentionally hurt her, that he understood why she'd felt the need to betray him, though understanding was a far cry from acceptance. A part of him foolishly mourned not just the loss of her life, but that of the broken promises they'd made one another.

Now in the quiet, peaceful air it was possible for him to admit that their love had never been organic, but a generic action that came from years of repeated behavior.

He supposed the idea of what it could have been had just been to tempting, to appealing to let go, the dream so much more tantalizing than its reality. You tell yourself something long enough and eventually you will come to accept it as truth, as your defining purpose for living.

His late wife had based much of their relationship on the false principles that those around her had to obey by the rules set forth by society, no matter how often it proved otherwise. Even when she'd crafted her betrayal to him, to the Club she'd assumed everyone had to play by her rules, to color within the lines. The inner strength she'd possessed had been real, a formidable force targeted to the love she shared for her children making it all the more difficult for him to embrace the reality of her murder.

She'd been a wonderful mother, no one would deny her that, especially him. He'd made his own mistakes, selfish and thoughtless ones along the way. He could pretend he hadn't done them, tell himself that she'd driven him to it but it just wasn't an option. If anything was going to change, if he was ever going to become the man, the father his son and Club needed, it was time he held himself accountable.

They were both equally guilty of trying to mold the other in to something they were never meant to become.

Laying the ring down carefully atop the neatly trimmed grass, Jax exhaled a deep breath.

Everything he had longed for his entire life, Love, camaraderie, freedom, they all remained lost somewhere in the din and he struggled to feel even a sliver of hope that he could reclaim them, let alone being able to hold on to them.

It wouldn't matter how sorry he was, how deeply he regretted the last few months between them.

Tara was dead, and apologies weren't going to bring her back.

Pocket vibrating, ringing for the millionth time he ignored it. Instead choosing to lean his head back against the tall polished marble tombstone behind him.

"How the fuck did I get so lost...How the fuck do I get back?" He asked.

Running a hand through his hair he stared briefly at the tombstone in front of him.

"Just tell me what to do...Please...just tell me how to get back."

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_Elsewhere..._

Squinting against the blinding sun, her arms flailing, struggling to ease the painful sensation of Saul's iron clad grip on her long hair. She's nearly certain this time he will rip it from the scalp. Using the long tresses as incentive he drags her through the open field, growing ever closer to the tall dilapidated barn, its wooden exterior faded and chipping.

She imagines if there were silence she could hear the sound of the song birds, the robins chirping.

But there is only the sound of Samson's voice, the angry guttural tone mixing with the sound of a young woman's petrified screams. Thrashing wildly, helplessly. The act of desperation wasted on the 200lb 6ft plus giant of man. With his arm wrapped around her waist he carries her with the same determination you might for an animal fit for the slaughter, he isn't even breaking a sweat. If anything, her fear, her panic is an irritation, and she knows better than anyone that Samson is not a man to tolerate even the slightest irritation.

Grimacing she bites her lower lip until its discomfort rivals that of her aggressors grip, voice filled with a similar fear as the woman in front of her.

"Saul!...Ah, no, please...Please!"

Abruptly stopping in place, he made a point to jerk her to the side. Bicep muscle clenching as he tightened his hold, bringing her around to meet his gaze. Glancing briefly at the pair in front of them as they continued their journey before turning his full attention to her. Smiling he watched her eyes screw shut as he lifted her up, the heels of her feet struggling to touch the ground, to ease the pain.

"Please." He says, voice eerily calm, almost intrigued.

"Please..." He repeats, smiling disappearing.

Tisking loudly, he shook his head, as if scolding a child.

"Open your eyes, look at me when I speak to you."

Doing as she was told, she tried in vain to control her breathing, heart hammering against her chest.

Pale green eyes meeting brown, her nostrils flaring as she fought to keep even the smallest semblance of calm.

"I'm not going to tolerate your insolence, not this time. Honestly how fucking far did you two think you were going to get? Clearly we have to keep revisiting this discussion Lily...especially if your going to allow these simple-minded whores poison to your mind with idea's of hope and freedom. Now because I am a man of principle I'll make you a promise...and you know I keep my promises."

Shoulders trembling Lily shakes her head, knowing full well what his promises entitle.

"I'm sorry...Saul, forgive me." She said, pleading.

Smoothing a palm over his shaved head with his free hand, Saul paused momentarily fingers running along the lines of the swastika tattooed on the back of his head.

"While I appreciate your willingness to admit your remorse, I'm afraid we are beyond the point of apologies. You'll take your punishment and we won't have this discussion again...Just the back this time...Your new best friend I can't extend my kindness to, she's Samson's problem now."

Feebly clawing at his fingers, Lily cried out as they began walking once again and this time when she stumbled he did not pause.

Abandoning her already crumbling, damaged composure she chose to scream, legs kicking and thrashing.

Sparing the young woman a glance, Saul sighed with the shake of his head.

"You disappoint me Lily, you really do."

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Kneeling in the shower, hands flat against the bottom fingers fanning out she tried and failed to keep from retching.

The burning, unforgiving pain of the long linear cuts flaring white-hot as her back unintentionally arched. Vision blurring, as the cold water sprinkled down doing it's best to clean the newest addition to the collection of well kept promises. Reaching up blindly, Lily turned off the water, though she took her time getting out. Wishing instead to linger, to try to remember a moment that did not feel this way.

It was becoming impossible.

Drying off as best she could, Lily managed to slip in to a thin gas station white t-shirt and black panties. Running a plastic comb hastily through her wet hair, purposely avoiding her own reflection. After detangling the long pale blonde hair, she left it loose around her shoulders, padding barefoot down the hall she hadn't made it ten feet when she heard the muffled, distressed sounds of panicked voices towards the end of the hall. It was only the whining barks of the dogs in the living room of the mobile home that drew her attention away.

Nervously, her chest filling with anxiety she forced herself to move, stepping through the nearest bedroom door. Eyes downcast she knelt obediently at the side of the narrow bed, the bristled woven rug beneath her knees rough and uncomfortable as it pressed in to her delicate skin but she pushed it out of her mind. Focusing all of her attention on controlling her facial expression, pushing down the revulsion she felt crawling up her throat as she felt Saul's cold hand snake down fingers tracing along the hollow curve of her collar-bone through the neck hole of the thin shirt.

Retracting his hand, Saul sniffed loudly, as he pulled out a metal lighter and glass pipe from his shirt pocket. Jiggling the small piece of crack inside it before holding the lit flame beneath it as he took a long drag. Leaning his back against the wall behind him he exhaled, dark eyes settling on her.

"Samson made a fucking mess of that girl, not much left now..." He said, taunting her with his grisly words.

It failed to rile her, and instead sickened her, filled her with guilt.

"As if I don't have enough fucking work to do with this bullshit at Carson's. Idiot's, let those race traitor bikers burn his place down. Fuckin' idiots, all that meth he had mother-fuckin' gone and now we're going to have to scout around, find a replacement before the other chapter comes in to town. Never ends I swear to God."

Eyes glued to the floor, Lily knew better then to utter a word. Saul was earlier then usual for his late night drug fueled rants, if she were lucky he would become distracted and forget she was even there. Either way no one was getting any sleep, least of all her.

"Nah...I'll tell you what Carson was a pussy letting them come to his property, asshole deserved what he got...Like to see them fuck with us, show them exactly whose in charge." He said, voice growing heated.

From her place on the floor she turned resting her head against the side of the mattress, eyes tracking Saul's erratic movements throughout the room.

Closing her eyes, Lily prayed silently for anything, anyone to set her free.

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	2. Chapter 2

**A/N ((Character details Lily is 29 yrs. old, I'm basing her character from an actress named Isabella Lucas's just to give you guys a better idea of what she looks like. Chapter contains mature themes, swearing, intense violence.))**

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_The Farm._

_Two weeks later..._

The tension had become its own entity in the house, a living, breathing thing that caused the air to crackle and pop. An invisible force, feeding off its inhabitants paranoia and fear, growing stronger by the hour, by the days crawling by. Whatever had been going on outside of the farm was building, and by the signs around her, Lily knew she had every reason to fear its inevitable conclusion.

Saul was spiraling of control, what had been a subtle decline in self-control regarding his drug use had increased ten-fold in the past few days. Nights were never-ending, the frightening, nightmarish activities carrying on well after the sun rose. Sleep deprived and anxiety ridden Lily watched the crack cocaine fueled binges as he and Samson had moved on from one manic task to the next.

Every howl of the wind, every buzz of an insect outside and Saul was up out of his chair gun in hand. If she hadn't been bending under the weight of exhaustion she would take the opportunity to wager that he was afraid, and anything that scared a man of his character, piqued her curiosity. Lying on the bed wearing one of Saul's white tank-tops the material reaching mid-thigh Lily had just begun to drift off, her eyes nearly closed when she heard something topple off the nearby desk, a thunderous crash of broken dishes on the floor.

Eyes flashing open she shot up to find Saul standing in the doorway, wearing nothing but a pair of black jeans, feet bare. Ignoring the disaster on the floor he cut across the room making a bee line for the bed. Taking a seat, Saul reached out, gripping Lily's wrist harshly he easily wrenched the delicate limb closer. Gasping Lily winced, her nose wrinkling despite herself.

The stench of blood and drugs hung on his skin like a putrid cologne, eyes impossibly wide she could see he was high out of his mind, pupils the size of pins as the darkness swallowed the last few shards of reasoning. Mind reeling, Lily fought against the involuntary urge to gag, it was then she realized he was holding a large syringe filled with some sort of clear liquid.

"No, no, wait I've been good Saul I, please don't...don't, don't." Lily said, attempting to wrench her arm free.

Shoving her down flat on the mattress, he held the syringe clenched between his teeth.

Crawling backwards until her back hit the wall, she screamed as he ripped her down on to her back where he swiftly straddled her waist, his body weight trapping her beneath him. Struggling wildly, Lily did something she hadn't dared to do before, she hit him. Small hands forming into fists she struck his stomach, but at the awkward angle and obvious strength disadvantage made the otherwise valiant effort seem pathetic and foolish.

Lip curling up, he pushed her down again as he reared back his arm, and delivered a single vicious punch to her right side. Vision exploding in to a million pieces Lily felt the air rip from her lungs, the intense roar of pain drowning her senses in to oblivion. It seemed an eternity passed before bits and pieces of reality began seeping through the white cloud of her vision and the sight of Saul above her once again came in to focus.

Long fingers curled around her wrist he was flicking the crook of her arm with two fingers, enticing a vein to volunteer.

Wheezing, Lily weakly tried to touch him only to feel him slap the offending appendage away.

"_...no..no." _She croaked out, voice feeble as he became frustrated and plunged the needle in, slamming the plunger down.

Pain and fear was replaced by the intense sensation of warmth spreading down her arm, slowly enveloping her body in a bizarre sense of calm. Eyes rolling back, it was soon followed by an intense heaviness to her limbs. Straddling her still, Saul turned his head to the side watching the shallow rise and fall of her chest as the fight drained from her eyes. Dropping the empty syringe on the bed beside them he cupped her face in his large hands, the pad of his thumb running along her cheek, bending down he kissed her lips.

Rising up, he ran his fingers through her hair, combing it gently in to place, his smile genuine and pleased.

"That's my girl...Everything'll be perfect, don't worry about anything. You won't feel a thing I promise...It's better this way." He said, tone softening.

Lily wanted to cry, to scream, claw, kick at him, but her body betrayed her. Limbs heavy as if someone had replaced her bones with concrete, sleep pulling down on her mind like a lead weight, the darkness growing around her until it swallowed her whole and nothing else remained.

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Chest heaving, breathing ragged Jax wiped his hand down his face turning to survey his Brothers who were spread out across the property, blue eyes searching each one them visually assessing the damage. Aside from Rat who was nursing a wounded arm, the shot had thankfully gone clean through, everyone else had come out unscathed. Which given the circumstances of their afternoon was a miracle in and of itself.

Running at a brisk pace he cut across the front yard gripping the Berretta in his hands, knuckles whitening as he kept the weapon pointed at the ground. Happy following close beside him, providing cover.

It was long days like this when he realized he spent a great deal of his time fixing the problems of the previous day, and when you lived on the fringe of society where violence was the rule of thumb things were often settled under different circumstances then the typical norm. It made for shitty work hours.

Pausing against the far side of the double wide he turned to look at Happy whose face was irked with aggravation.

"That fucking skinheads bunkered down in the trailer, fuckers tweeked out of his mind. If they have back up they would'a been here already."

Using his gun to point in the general direction of the barn a little over a football field away, knowing already what Jax was going to ask.

"One took off through the back...headed past the barn I think, might have a vehicle we didn't know about stashed there... Bigass Motherfucker, actually ran."

Jax's shook his head, his own look of displeasure deepening.

"Jesus Christ..."

"Want me to go after him?" Happy asked.

Jax stared at his friend, weighing the risks.

"You want to go after Sasquatch of the Aryan Brotherhood...by yourself." He asked, a morbid part of him unable to resist the joke despite their situation.

Happy shook his head adamantly.

"Fuck no... Freak is bigger than I am. But we can't let him just bunker down someplace, not after what they did to the Shop."

Sighing Jax had a bad feeling, none of this had felt right. The attacks on their businesses by these people had been seemingly unprovoked, disturbingly violent and random. All of it left a foul taste in his mouth.

He was about to tell Happy they'd go together when they heard the front door bust down, the splintering wood loud and jarring. It seemed the others had managed to get inside, with any hope they'd could contain this bullshit and forget about it. Bolting around the side of the trailer they kept their weapons drawn as they came up the wooden steps and through the busted doorway. Walking inside it took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, to see what was happening around them as the only visibility in the room being provided by the dim light that shone through the newspaper covered windows.

The screaming from the back of the mobile home increased as they spilled out in to the small living room, Tig holding the Skinhead by the back of the shirt, forcing him to his knee's gun pressed to the back of his head. The man, howling in rage continued to fight against the hold spittle flying from his mouth as he struggled to look over his shoulder all the while spewing obscenities.

Trager, with eyes blazing shoved the gun harder in to the back of the man's head and before he could say anything the sound of Juice's voice came shouting from where Tig and the man had just come from. Panic clear in his voice.

"I need a knife, someone hurry the fuck up, I need help!"

Jax was the first to move, pushing past the others blocking the hall, Happy close behind as they rushed blindly in to the room. Unprepared for what the macabre scene, Juice stood in the middle of the room, his arms wrapped tightly around the waist of a young woman. Using all of his upper body strength he was trying to keep her raised enough to create slack, a white sheet stripped and knotted from the bed to hang her from an open part of the shallow attic, the foam ceiling tiles missing.

Rushing forward Jax wrapped his own arms around her body, lifting up as Juice stepped back allowing him to take over.

"He was just standing there, watching her when we came in."

Seconds crawled by as Jax watched Happy out of the corner of his eye using a large buck knife to cut in to the sheet.

"She's still warm Jax..." Juice said, concern heavy in his voice.

Light as feather in his arms, she felt so delicate he feared he'd break her just holding her. Pressing his head to side he licked his lips, straining to feel even the shallowest breath of air escaping her lungs but he felt nothing.

"Almost through, 1, 2, 3..." He said, giving his Brother fair warning to hold on.

The split second the tension lifted away Jax was careful to gently lay her down on the floor. Slapping her cheek with the back of his hand he was dismayed to see her eyes remained closed, dressed in only a thin dirty oversized man's tank top she was limp, a large golf ball sized purple bruise forming just inside the bend of her arm, defensive scratches marring her thighs. Checking her pulse at the throat, Jax felt his chest tighten.

Filled with new-found determination, he overlapped his hands and pushed down hard against the bottom of her chest where the stomach met, over and over, counting the numbers silently in his mind. By the second round of chest compressions he'd nearly given up, when all at once her eyes opened. Pale green in color they were glassy, filled with confusion and fear, sputtering for air convulsing, her petit cold hands raised up pushing, unconsciously still trying to defend herself.

Glancing up towards Happy who stood near the bed, he held up an empty vial.

"He pumped her full of morphine, she needs a hospital Jax."

Juice was already half way down the hall, his mind-set on pulling the van around to the front.

Pulling her up, Jax kept a firm but cautious hold on the young woman. Turning her in his arms he held her back against his chest, the back of her head resting against his shoulder.

"Hey, hey its okay...its okay." He said his tone surprisingly even and calm, cheek pressing lightly against the side of her face.

Happy knelt, reaching out for the girl.

"I'll take her outside, go check on the others."

Relinquishing his place as Happy stepped forward he moved back as Happy scooped his arms beneath her lifting her up in to his arms wedding style, her head lolling back against his arm, eyes barely able to stay awake. Combing his fingers through his hair, nail raking his scalp, Jax forced himself to move one foot in front of the other anger steadily rising. As he stepped over the threshold of the doorway and in to the hall again he stopped dead as his gaze lifted to the open doorway directly in front of him.

Door number three.

Hand touching the wall, fingers touching the light switch, Chib's stood motionless, back ramrod straight. Forcing himself to move, one foot in front of the other he came to stand just shy of touching Chib's shoulder his mind wrestling with what it saw, its first basic instinct to try to block the images, but the raw, putrid stench prevented that courtesy. The aggressive odor they'd been smelling since they walked in, a ripe unholy mixture of rotting meat. Catching sight of his friend out of the corner of his eye seemed to jar the Scotsman's trance.

"Jesus fucking Christ..."

All of them were guilty of one thing or another, of murder, of intense acts of violence. They all liked to assume they had standards, some sort of moral code that remained. Every one of them had an issue with authority, but none of them were sociopaths, they weren't monsters.

Eyes wide, hands clenched tight, fingernails forming crescent moon shaped impressions Jax forced himself to count.

Five bodies hung from the ceiling in a single file row, in various states of undress. Five women, their empty eyes staring off at some unseen point.

The last two, nearest to the covered window were in the best shape, if you could even call it that, but all the women had the same horrific amount of abuse.

Turning, facing the hall he didn't even see Happy as he stood in the doorway still, his arms cradling the pale blue-eyed woman. Moving with evenly measured strides he came to a stop in front of the Skinhead, the mans nose broken, blood pouring slowly down the front of his mouth. Looking down at him Jax squared his shoulders.

Voice exceptionally calm he addressed him.

"Did you kill those women?"

Face twitching, Saul turned his head to the side a eyes defiant he bared his teeth much like a wild animal before he spit a mouthful of blood at Jax's feet.

The response was Jax's breaking point, his inner control snapping in half. Before anyone could utter a word he had the other man by the shirt front, and with his hands zip tied behind him it wasn't exactly the fairest fight and it was exactly what the Son intended. The first punch to his face was liberating, and after the sixth, seventh vicious swing it all became one visceral blur. It wasn't until his hand was coated in blood to the wrist, the man's nose and eye socket caved in that anyone can pull Jax off. Arms hooked underneath his, Tig dragged him backwards until they were near the front door, the older man having to fight to gain control.

A stretch of time passed when there was nothing but the sound of Saul's wizened, gurgling attempts to continue breathing, his body stubbornly ignorant of its impending death.

Shaking Tig off, Jax turned to look at him the blistering rage still fresh. Stabbing a finger in the direction of the fallen man Jax clenched his teeth, pressing his lips together tightly before he attempted to speak.

"...He dies slow, slow and painful..."

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Body moving in a mechanical, practiced way. Jax stood at the kitchen sink, turning on the tap he held his hands under the tepid water. Watching the blood rinse from his fingers, to swirl along the stainless steel bowl as it disappeared down the drain. Eyes moving up he found himself staring in to his own reflection in the black mirrored surface of the window above the kitchen sink.

The self hate, the anger, and the disgust he's felt is oddly hushed. It's usual unrelenting torment quiet and dim.

Hands gripping the edge of the counter, he holds his own gaze.

The man looking back at him is somehow familiar again.

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	3. Chapter 3

Fire, it was absolute. A cleansing element that held no prejudices, no judgment, it had one purpose and it executed it perfectly.

He supposed he held enough judgment for it to go without, either way he felt determined to wipe the earth clean of this hellish place.

On this night the box containing the fragments of his life was a coffin, only this time it didn't contain a part of him, it held the nameless faces of those five women. They didn't know him and he didn't care to know them, whoever they were before this place, had been gone longer than anyone would ever know. Standing in darkness, watching the flames consume the double wide trailers, he supposed they would both have to be content with what the universe had given them. Reminding him to appreciate the things in his life, no matter how random or small they appeared, it was a continuous lesson he needed to learn. Snapping on his helmet, straddling the leather seat of his black Dyna, Jax spared the property one final glance before he started the engine, the red glow of the motorcycles tail lights disappearing in to the night, leaving the house of horrors behind.

As the fire began to smolder, thick plumes of gray smoke unfurling, and the last embers faded, a heaviness settled over the ground.

In the pure, unfiltered darkness the ghosts remained.

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St. Thomas was an impressive hospital for such a small town and he thanked God for its enormous staff and high rotation rate. Charming's only hospital was swamped, and on a Friday night its staff was conveniently denied opportunity to gossip, to lay their judgment at his feet. No one here could spare the time to recognize him for whatever sin's he was or wasn't guilty of.

The criminal who ran guns.

Whose mechanic shop had blown up.

The corrupt biker who'd allegedly murdered his wife.

Until now there had been no reason to come back here, and despite Chib's orders to go home and some rest. He'd found his Dyna pulling in to the hospitals visitor parking. Head craned back, resting against the wall behind him, Jax watched the second-hand circle the clock face on the waiting room wall. Eyes peeking up as Tig sat down beside handing the other man a cup of black coffee.

"Boy's with your Mom?" He asked, and Jax knew exactly what he was saying.

_You don't have to be here, we understand._

"Lyla offered to watch'em, give my mom a break. She's...fuck I dunno, herself." He answered, sipping the hot liquid, the caffeine tasting better than he'd expected.

Taking the empty seat beside him, Tig traced the rim of the Styrofoam cup, watching the steam rise off the already luke-warm liquid as he leaned back. Neither of them wore their cuts, the men in a unanimous vote that this was a delicate situation and they had to use the utmost caution to not directly associate the Club should anyone make assumptions. Though both men knew people would form their own opinions regardless.

Catching sight of an approaching nurse, both men stood up as she stopped in front of them, a clipboard in her hand.

"...Trager?" She inquired, the polite smile she wore tight around the edges, as she if she were worried she'd mispronounced his name.

"Good news, she's responding well to the fluids...but we can't seem to get her to respond verbally."

Scratching his goatee, Tig looked across at Jax who gave him a pointed look. As if to say, _And..._

"Come on Doll, you gonna let us go in and see her or not?"

The nurse gave him a surprised look, all professionalism flying out the door.

"Are you shitting me? I'm just doing a favor for my cousin I could get fired for even divulging confidential patient information. Look you brought her in, you won't tell us where she was, who did this...You don't even know her name. Do I have to spell it out to you how bad that looks..."

Shifting in his seat, Jax did his best to keep his gaze down, his expression calm, but his frustration was rising. Taking a deep breath he rose from his seat, arms crossing over his chest.

"Please...Fiona, just ten minutes, all I want is to see she's okay. Someone catches me its my ass, I never saw you."

Tongue pressing against the back of her teeth, Fiona looked from one man to the other as she waged an inner battle of the potential risks involved.

"Goddamn...Fine, fine. Ten minutes, that's it. In case someone kicks you out before I can come back from break I should tell you she's suffering from dehydration, mild malnutrition nothing a few weeks of rest won't cure...but the bigger issues we're finding is signs of continuous long-term physical abuse. Based on what they've documented its years worth, whoever did this..."

Placing his hand on her arm, Jax interrupted Fiona, his expression solemn.

"Is never going to touch her again."

Sighing, Fiona tried to decide if that meant what she thought it did. For the sake of that woman she hoped it was.

"Room 206, fourth floor..."

Back against the door, hands loose at his sides, he listened to soft hum of the medical equipment as his eyes settled on the prone form a few feet away. Lying on her side, arms pulled up against her chest she appeared to be sleeping. Even from his place at the door, Jax could see the deep purple necklace of bruises wrapped around her throat. Hair clean and brushed back away from her ethereal features, the hospital blankets nearly swallowing her.

Easing away from the door he took careful, quiet steps towards the hospital bed and lowered himself down on to the chair beside it. Glancing at the clock on the wall he reasoned he still had about eight minutes, the soft shifting of covers drawing his attention back towards the bed and he found those pale, serene blue eyes staring realized in mild embarrassment he hadn't exactly thought this part through, he had no idea what to say, it was rather unlike him.

He could see she was studying the exposed skin of his hands and throat and it dawned on Jax that she was looking for something. A symbol, to tell her whether she had anything to fear from him and he could sympathize with the scrutiny.

Trading the Devil you knew for one you didn't wasn't exactly on either of their lists of things to do.

Chest rising with tired, carefully measured breathes, she broke the silence between them. Voice barely above a whisper.

"Am I dead?"

Keeping his palms flat on the tops of his thighs, Jax couldn't hide the look of shock that slipped over his face.

"No Darlin, no you're not."

Hearing his answer seemed to confirm something the Son couldn't begin to comprehend. Hands coming to cover her mouth, he watched helplessly as her composure fell apart, shoulders shaking as she began to cry, the tears running down her cheeks. There was only a brief moment of time Jax could stand to see her so broken, and now he understood why she'd remained silent for the last three days. At some point among all the chaos and unending torment she'd resigned to her fate.

Rising up from his chair, Jax didn't allow himself to second guess the gesture, and sat down on the edge of the bed careful of the IV drip taped to the back of her hand. Gently slipping his hand behind her shoulder he eased her forward and was taken aback when she wrapped her arms around his neck. Gradually the shaking of her shoulders lessened, and he was left to wonder if she'd exhausted herself when he heard the soft hush of her voice. Breath warm against the side of his neck.

"Thank you, thank you."

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Fidgeting, hands clenching and unclenching, Lily stared through the taxi cab window at the passing store fronts and lamp posts that lined the quaint main street sidewalks. Worriment clawing at her mind, the tolls of the past few years feeling daunting and impossible. How quickly she'd forgotten what it was to live outside in the real world. Swallowing the lump in her throat she mentally scolded herself, willing the agitation to dissipate.

She was grateful to be outside of the sterile, claustrophobic hospital room, away from their prying questions.

Questions she never intended to answer.

The nurse, Fiona had been delightfully compassionate, bringing her a change of cloths. It wasn't much a pastel green t-shirt, a white lace bra and panties along with a pair of blue jeans and ballet flat shoes but to Lily had meant the world. It helped her feel human again, that much loser to rejoining the world. As she was being discharged the other nurses had pitched in, offering to pay for a cab, anywhere she wanted to go in town. They'd all assumed it would be to a bus station, a hotel, but in fact it was neither. It was an ice cream parlor.

Chewing on her lower lip nervously, Lily watched the numbers on the passing street fronts, glancing down at the small scrape of paper in her hand. Jax had scrawled out the address and his prepay number a few days ago, and not having seen him since that night she couldn't help but wonder if he would be upset she'd shown up without notice. Catching sight of the ice cream parlors newly painted window front she grabbed the plastic bag filled with nothing more than a travel sized toothbrush and toothpaste, a comb and the prescription pain medication she had tried to avoid taking all morning. She wanted a clear head, and the medication although effective, clouded her perception.

Paying the cab driver through the plastic separation screen, and slowly eased her way out of the car, politely declining his offer to help. For a moment Lily remained rooted on the sidewalk, lost to the feeling of the summer breeze against her face, the feeling of the hot sun against her cheeks. The loud ding of the bell above the door broke her reverie and Lily found herself face to face with a larger heavy-set man with a scraggly beard and squinting eyes. He wore a black leather Cut, numerous patches sewn on. He regarded her with an easy-going expression.

"We aren't open for another ten minutes Sweetheart but you're welcome to come on in."

Eyebrows raising up, Lily realized he assumed she was there for the actual ice cream, and before she could explain otherwise he was waving her inside. Following shyly behind she kept a noticeable distance between them and stopped short of the counter, as she noticed there were three more men in matching Cuts sitting in the booths near the back.

Feeling their eyes on her, Lily felt her cheeks grow hot.

Noticing her face become flush, Bobby took a closer look at the woman and noticed the fading bruises wrapped around her neck. Walking back around the counter he pointed to a nearby booth.

"Have a seat, you want a glass of water honey?"

Nodding wordlessly Lily descended cautiously in to the plush faux leather booth, careful of the bandages on her back. Taking the offered glass of water she took a few sips before placing it with a trembling hand on the table. Try as she might, the painkillers her doctor had prescribed were looking more and more appealing. Her body's complaints of her activity no matter how limited, now being heard loud and clear.

It was then that the front door opened and Jax came strolling through the door, the look of concern on his face clear as he laid eyes on her.

"Hey, I thought they weren't discharging you until tomorrow?" He asked, ignoring the look of confusion Bobby was giving him.

Licking her lips, Lily shook her head.

"...I should have called first, I'm sorry."

Rubbing his chin between his fingers, Jax shook his head.

"Naw it's fine, really."

Looking from Jax to the woman in the booth, Bobby held his hands up. "You wanna fill me in Prez, I'm feeling a little lost."

Sighing Jax took a half step back from the booth, looking at his Treasurer.

"I was going to explain this morning at Church...If everyone else is upstairs we can get started, just give me a minute."

Waiting patiently, Jax watched Bobby lock the front door before following the other three men upstairs, their footsteps echoing loudly in the narrow stairwell. When they were all out of sight, he turned to study Lily who shifted in her seat trying to ignore the rising discomfort. It did not go unnoticed by the man across from her.

"They give you something for the pain?"

Nodding, Lily opened the plastic bag setting the small orange bottle on the table in front of him. Reaching over, Jax took the bottle and read the label carefully before opening the child proof cap and emptying two on to the palm of his hand.

Presenting them to Lily he could see the concern etched across her brow.

"Take em', no sense in hurting if you don't have to. No one here is going to hurt you."

Taking them hesitantly out of his hand, she brought the glass of water to her lips realizing he wouldn't relent until she obeyed the gentle request, and with the way she was feeling she reasoned it was an easy one to indulge. Watching her swallow the second pill, Jax felt satisfied to leave her alone.

"I'll be back in a little while, and I'll explain everything okay?"

Watching him over her shoulder, Lily asked herself for the millionth time that morning if she was making the right choice.

She reasoned he was thinking the same thing.

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	4. Chapter 4

**A/N ((Thanks for all the wonderful feedback, glad to hear everyone's enjoying it so far. I plan to introduce Abel and Thomas in a few chapters. Chapter is rated for swearing.))**

Looking at each of his Brothers, Jax stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray in front of him. Comfortable in his leadership he felt confident they would have a unanimous reaction to the meeting, and see that his judgment was sound.

"The recent attacks, and the arson at Collette's are all connected, sloppy retaliation for what happened with Darby's old contacts last year. The two responsible had loose, if not nearly severed ties with the Stockton crew. Rumor is they acted alone."

Hand's steeped beneath his chin Tig raised a valid question.

"What's to stop them from lashing out against us burnin they're shit down around them. We're two for two here Jax, their not exactly known for keeping their word, they live for that eye for an eye bullshit."

Shaking his head, Jax spoke confidently.

"The past aside, what was happening on the farm doesn't fall in to their pursuit of a pure untainted society. They aren't interested in this particular brand of torture and murder, especially when its white women. We keep to our territories and they'll keep to theirs...No retaliation this time."

Resting his hands on the arms of the chair, Tig sat back.

"They might not be interested in blood, but I'm betting that goddamn Giant is...That shit hole wasn't put together overnight, their little shop of horrors was a long-term investment. That's been going on for a long fucking time, they had no plans of shutting it down. We need to find him and put him down." He said, stabbing his finger in to the carved wood.

Across the room, Happy shut his phone against the front of his shirt, his grim expression deepening.

"Contacts in Stockton just got back to me...The pair from the farm, their brothers. Saul and Samson Michael's. Excommunicated from at least four other chapters, no one's talking about details just that they want nothing to do with them."

Dragging his fingers through his hair, Jax looked to Juice who sat silently at the opposite end of the it rained, it poured.

"Find out whatever else you can, now."

Looking to the others, Jax cut to the point.

"I'll understand if some of you are hesitant to get involved, SAMCRO has suffered in the past years, we've had to fight battles we didn't anticipate...lose loved ones to senseless acts of violence. What happened on that Farm...to those women, never should have happened in the first place. I want to take it to a vote, we see it through, make sure it never happens again, not in our town. All in favor?"

Meeting the eyes of each man, Jax awaited their answers and he needn't wait long.

Bobby: "Don't even have to ask Brother. I vote Yes."

and that was how it continued, each one of his comrades in agreement. Picking up the gavel, Jax slammed it on the table with loud crack. Sealing the vote.

As the most of the guys pushed away from their chairs, Chib's remained rooted in his.

"You know we'll have tae ask the lass about what was happening...sooner or later."

He'd known that from the beginning and until now, he'd been content to keep that reality on hold.

"I know, but I want to wait...give her some time."

Sighing loudly, Chib's crossed his arms over his chest. He was all for being chivalrous but stalling wouldn't aid their mission.

"I support your decision 100% but you can't let sympathy blind you to what could be a swifter end to this madness."

Jax could see his point, he saw it with crystal clear vision and yet a larger part of him held back. Told him to wait.

"You didn't see her in the hospital...See the fear in her eyes, she'd known that eventually he would kill her...that, that was the only fucking way she was ever going to leave. Every time I think I've seen the worst, I find myself confronted with something more monstrous than the last."

Rising from his seat, Jax tossed the gavel on to the middle of the table.

"I'll ask her Chib's, but not today...not today."

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Arms folded a top the table, forehead resting against her forearms Lily struggled to stay awake. The medication taking effect after twenty minutes or so, dulling her pain and wrapping her senses in a detached sense of calm. A voice, distant at first, penetrated through the darkness, speaking louder as it fought to gain her attention. Opening her eyes slowly, Lily lifted her head, an older man was standing beside the booth, his fingers balanced on the edge of the table as he leaned down.

Blinking through the haze of sleep she rubbed her eyes with one hand, the sound of his voice coming in clearer this time.

"Hey Doll, feelin okay?"

Taking a deep breath, Lily had to think for a moment as she assessed how she felt, before answering him with a silent nod.

"Jax'll be back down in a minute, he wants me to help you to the truck. This all you got with you?" He asked, pointing to the small plastic bag beside her.

Thankfully Lily realized he was only making small talk, of course that was all she had.

Placing the bag in his outstretched hand, she exited the booth with cautious slow movements. Stepping back, he gave her a comfortable amount of personal space, coming to stand in front of the door of a dark silver Ford pickup she found the cab of the truck would be difficult at best to climb up in to. Especially for someone who was only 5' 3" it was clearly not a vehicle made for such a petit person. Weighing her options, Lily realized with great dismay she would have to accept help.

Turning carefully, Lily gave Tig a pleading look. Her embarrassment obvious. Setting the bag in the doors compartment, Tig pointed to the running board.

"Put your foot on that, and I'll hoist you up. Three seconds, tops." He said, giving her a second to ponder the offer.

When her hands remained on the inside of the door and she turned back away from him, he assumed this meant she'd accepted. Placing his hands chastely on her hips he did exactly as promised and counted to three while gently hoisting her up and in to leather seat. By the relieved expression her face he reasoned he'd done a good job of making it as painless as possible. Watching him close the door, she made sure to put the seatbelt on and it wasn't long before Jax walked around the front of the truck and climbed in to the cab. Starting the vehicle he spared the young woman a brief glance, her face turned she was staring out the window hands clasped, knee faintly bouncing.

When they turned in to a partially developed gated community, Lily couldn't help but feel confused. Wherever she imagined they were headed, this wasn't it. The only houses completed along the potentially tranquil curving cul-de-sac were eight model homes. Only one had lights on inside its interior, pulling in to the driveway Jax put the truck in park and turned off the ignition.

"The Mayor of Charming's attempt at suburban expansion. Funding is on hold due to one or two issues. I got it for my best friends wife who needed help but she declined the opportunity. Can't say I blame her."

Turning on the entry way light as they walked inside, Lily followed just behind her eyes following Jax as he moved from the living room to the kitchen, illuminating each room as he did. The first thing Lily noticed was the house was exceptionally built, modern touches in every corner. With its thick beige carpet and cream-colored walls, custom kitchen cabinets and granite. It was a dream home for a family. The only furniture in the living room was a dark brown chocolate love seat and glass coffee table, a flat screen television mounted on the wall above the gas fireplace.

Making her way to the kitchen, she could see there was only the bare minimum here as well. A simple four chair dining set, the tags still on the backs.

Setting the truck keys on the granite island in the kitchen, he could see the wheels turning in her head.

"Things have been a little upside down, haven't decided what I want to take from my old house...It's in escrow so I don't have long to decide."

Waiting for her to follow, he continued the impromptu tour down the hallway to where the bedrooms were located. Stopping in front of a pair of wooden, white French doors he turned the nickel brushed doorknob the bedroom light having been left on. It was a spacious room with an on suite bathroom, tray ceilings and walk-in closet. A queen sized bed was pressed against the wall, dressed in a basic white goose-down comforter and pillows.

Rubbing the back of his neck, Jax could only imagine what she was thinking now.

"Like I said, I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow...so it's just the bare minimum. There's towels and soap in the bathroom."

For the first time since they left the Ice cream parlor, Lily spoke.

"I can stay here?" She asked, her voice laced with doubt.

Leaning against the wall, slipping his hands inside his jean pockets. Jax nodded a few times unable to hide his smile, amused by her reaction. He'd known it would be difficult to show her that he could be trusted, that he meant what he said about helping her. This was just the first step in a long journey ahead of them.

"I don't see myself taking bubble baths in the tub so yeah, you can stay in here...The doors lock from the inside, I'll be on the couch if you need anything."

Biting her lower lip, Lily looked around the room again overwhelmed by the kindness being bestowed on her. After so long of assuming the universe was punishing her she was having a difficult time believing this wasn't some cruel joke, that any moment the other shoe would drop but thus far Jax Teller had kept his word. Walking up to the bed, she touched the soft comforter almost afraid she would wrinkle it.

Pulling his hands from his pockets Jax took a few steps towards the hall, standing just inside the doorway he turned to look back at her .

"Goodnight Lily."

Already out of earshot, Jax failed to hear the soft whisper of her voice as she watched him retreat towards the living room.

"Goodnight."

Alone in the master bedroom, Lily took another glance around the room before venturing in to the bathroom. It was larger than than most people's bedrooms, with a large shower and garden soaking tub, a double vanity with makeup counter. It had certainly been marketed to appeal to a woman's tastes, while the masculine shower with bench balanced it out enough to work for either gender. She could understand his hesitance to spend much time here, this wasn't exactly a place she had pictured herself either. Though secretly there was a part of Lily that still dared to feel the tiniest emotion of joy at the idea of it being hers, even if only for a short time.

Setting her hospital bag on the bathroom vanity, she laid out each item in a straight line, taking in to account her meager belongings. Shaking two tablets from the orange bottle she turned on the tap, using the plastic cup beside the sink she swallowed them after a few tries. Moving to the double French doors she quietly closed them, turning the lock on the doorknob before she dared to undress.

Wearing only the white lace pair of panties, she climbed beneath the covers listening to the faint hum of the ceiling fan above her.

Alone, with the muted glow of the television light. Jax sat on the couch, his Beretta disassembled on the coffee table, taking a small rag he cleaned the weapon with diligent care. Eyes flickering towards the closed doors of the master bedroom, a seldom felt sense of relief falling over him.

One step forward, to where, he didn't know.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N ((Enjoy!))**

The loud, incessant banging was what woke her first, her eyes scanning the room for the source of the noise when she realized it was coming from the front door. Reluctant to leave the warmth and safety of the bed, she was slow to get up and when the loud banging began again she decided on a compromise. Wrapping the goose down comforter around her slender frame she scooted out of the bed, with only her head and bare feet visible she made her way down the hallway. Stopping just inside the archway, she had an open view of both the living room and entry way. Curled on his side with his back to the room, Jax was dead to the world. Wearing only a pair of grey sweats, the loose fabric hanging low on his hips, as the television was still on, the captions running along the bottom of the screen.

It was a wonder he hadn't heard the knocking at the door, leaving her to wonder when he'd fallen to sleep. Looking to the frosted glass oval window pane on the front door Lily could vaguely make out the figure of a man, black clothing, but not much else. Keeping a tight grip on the comforter, Lily crossed the living room and tapped the arm of the couch a few times. When he didn't so much as stir, she decided to try the next logical approach.

Timidly reaching out, Lily touched the skin of his shoulder, her hand cool to the touch.

There was no warning as Lily suddenly found her wrist gripped loosely in his hand, eyes blinking in confusion Jax raised up and saw the compromising position they were in. Taking in her startled expression, he released his hold scooting to the edge of the couch.

"Shit."

"...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that." He said, voice soft with remorse.

Standing up, Jax took a moment to ponder what she was doing out in the living room, cocooned in the white comforter when the knocking recommenced. Sparing her a quick glance he reached under the edge of the couch and pulled out the Beretta, turning to safety off. Keeping it pointed to the floor, he peeked out of the side window and the tension in his shoulders immediately melted away. Rubbing his eyes he unlocked the front door pulling it open as Tig entered the house.

"What the hell, I've been pounding on the door for the five minutes. You said 9 A.M. right?"

Sighing, Jax met the other man's gaze, apparently it was a morning of apologies.

"Sorry man, it was a late night."

Turning around he found his house guest had vanished in to the thin air, one second she'd been right beside him and then next poof, she was gone. The telltale click of the bedroom door closing told him she'd made a mad dash out of the living room to take cover in the privacy of her room. Couldn't say he blamed her, silently cursing himself for no doubt scaring her, Jax concluded the days first order of business was coffee. Strong, black coffee. Digging out the coffee machine from the pantry, he plugged it in, searching through the cabinets for the ground coffee and filters as Tig came to join him saddling up to the island.

"Late night huh, for you or her." He asked, taunting as usual.

Dumping a healthy amount of ground coffee in to the machine, Jax flipped the lid down harder than he intended not exactly in the mood to be hazed.

"Everything good, the girls, the shop?" He asked.

Intrigued by his Presidents deflection of his comment, Tig decided to play nice this morning. It had been a long week for everyone.

"Shop's open, more customers than last week, already so that's not completely fucked. Girls are doing better, settling down...Collette asked about how you were doing, wanted to see if you could swing by the house later today."

At mention of the other woman causing Jax to involuntarily grip his empty coffee mug a little tighter. He'd been avoiding his business partner on and off for months, another sordid mistake he'd made whose presence wasn't likely to go away any time soon. She'd been more than understanding about his decision to call things off between them, whatever that 'something' had been when everything had fallen apart. Making a joint partner ship with Stockton had proved to be their saving grace. Without the shared income there was no way they'd see Cara-Cara resurrected by the middle of this year.

"I have to get the rest of my stuff from the old house, send Hap if it's a big deal, otherwise tell her I'm busy." He answered, leaning his back against opposite counter.

The other man understood better than Jax may have realized, why it'd taken him so long to do so.

"Prospects can box up the boy's rooms...I can go with em' make sure they don't fuck up. Take the day off, God knows you wanna."

Deciding today would be a day of new beginnings, a clean slate for himself, Jax declined the offer.

"No, I'll do it. Send three of the prospects over in an hour if the shops not slammed...I'll need help getting it over here in the truck."

Knowing better to try to twist his arm over it, Tig let the subject go. He respected that this was something Jax had to do, even if it hurt like hell.

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A soft rapping at her door, Lily leaned against the doorway of the bathroom. Towel wrapped around her body, water dripping from her hair as she chewed on her nail. Listening to the sound of Jax's voice on the other side of the door.

"Hey, Lily I'll be back in a few hours...I left a prepay on the kitchen counter for you it has my number in it if you need anything before I get back."

Head tilted, Jax leaned his ear closer to the door, curious if she'd heard him.

He was just about to ask again when he heard a faint. "Okay..."

Figuring that was the best answer he was going to get, Jax made to walk away from the door when he heard it crack open, Lily's small voice calling out to him.

"Wait, is anyone else coming here today?"

Taking in the sight of her dripping hair, he could easily deduce what she'd been doing.

"Not until I get back, some of the guys'll be by to help unpack the last of the stuff from my old house. I'll lock the front door on my way out."

Content with his answer, Lily felt more comfortable spending time alone in the house knowing it would be largely uninterrupted. Watching Jax go out the front door before she closed and locked her bedroom door again. A half hour later and she emerged from the room, dressed in her clothing from the previous day unable to deny the grumbling in her stomach. Lightly spinning the prepaid cellphone on the granite counter as she passed Lilly opened the fridge and found it was ironically well stocked.

A paper plate filled with two turkey sandwiches and a glass of cold milk she carried what she considered a feast towards the kitchen table when she spotted the sliding glass doors that led outside to the backyard. Without a second thought she opened the slider and stepped outside, balancing the plate in one hand as she turned to shut the door. The backyard was small, as most are in developments but it suited her just fine, the cool grass feeling divine again against her bare feet. She was learning in the last few days that life was about simple pleasures and she was going to take advantage of them all. Starting with this.

Rinsing the empty glass out she set it down in the sink, and with a small grimace found that small pleasures needed to be taken in equally small doses. At least until she was fully healed. Stifling a yawn with the back of her hand, Lily grabbed the prepay and made another pit stop to grab her medication and then decided her final destination would be the couch. Snagging the throw blanket from off the floor she gingerly laid down, head resting against the arm of the couch. Pulling the blanket up near her face she could smell traces of Jax's cologne. Heart notes of cedar wood, and cypress, distant base notes of citrus, the aroma evoking a sensation Lily had forgotten existed.

It almost seemed comical to Lily, a distant shock to her recovering system.

Never in a million years did she imagine enjoying the scent of a man's cologne again.

Warning herself not to dwell to long on the subject, she tucked her arms beneath the blanket and in the process of stretching out felt a loose object caught in between the back and bottom cushion of the couch. The foreign object sharp against her foot. Easing up in to a sitting position she tugged the blanket away from the end of the couch and found a small object protruding out. Curiosity getting the better of her, she reached out and upon pulling it out found it was a small dark blue note-book. Tiny enough to fit in someone's back pocket.

Opening at a random page, she found the papers edges tattered with use, the words written in pen some pages long in length while others only a few scribbled sentences. Unintentionally, Lily read the first few lines.

"_There's an old saying, 'That which doesn't kill you, makes you stronger' I don't believe that. I think the things that try to kill you make you angry and sad. Strength comes from the good things- your family, your friends, the satisfaction of hard work. Those are the things that keep you whole. Those are the things to hold to when you're broken." _

"_I speak the truth when I tell you that you are the most important thing to me. I'll never hurt you, never abandon you. I love you, Abel. I love you, Thomas. More than anything or anyone. I always will. Everything I do is for you, my sons."_

Closing the note-book, she held it firmly in her hands as she suddenly realized who had written these words.

Inwardly tempted by the intense desire to learn more about her savior, Lily was instead controlled by a larger sense of respect. These words were not meant for her, they were a private testament meant for a greater purpose. Slipping her legs off the couch she left the blanket dropped on the cushion and with great care tucked the note-book back where she had found it. Plucking the prepay off the coffee table she was halfway down the hall when she heard the telltale sound of a key slipping in to the lock. Popping inside the house, Jax was carrying a large oversized canvas bag his blue eyes scanning the living room and found her hovering near the bedroom door.

Lifting the bag up he gave her a sheepish grin.

"According to several sources, I'm an asshole and you need more than one outfit...So I come bearing gifts."

From his fixed position in the entry way, Jax thought he could see the faintest smile tugging at the corners of her lips. Walking slowly towards him, he thought he'd imagined it but as he watched her eyeball the bag he saw he hadn't been wrong. Like any woman, she wanted to see what was in the bag. Almost bashfully, as if the bag would bite her, Lily's finger tips peeled the top of the canvas bag down trying to sneak a peek when she stopped and looked up Jax.

"...You bought me all of this?" She asked, with polite concern.

Taking the bag and setting it down on the coffee table he took a step back, giving her the chance to take her time.

"No, it was all happily donated by two very adamant woman. They wanted to come by and drop it off, but I didn't think you were up to new visitors quite yet."

Entirely thankful for his decision, Lily glanced between Jax and the bag before picking it up. The heavy bag a welcome and greatly appreciated burden. Turning towards the hall again she paused.

"I just took my medication...if its okay I'll go through this later. And I would very much like to thank the previous owners for their lovely donations in person but...maybe not for a little awhile?"

Nodding in agreement, Jax pointed over his shoulder towards the truck outside.

"Guy's and I will be in and out for a little while...I'll come knock on your door when I've figured out what the hell I can't burn for dinner." He said, cringing playfully.

The urge to smile returning, Lily bit her bottom lip, gaze pointing down to the floor before she looked back up at him again.

"After dinner, can we talk? I want to tell you...tell you something."

Surprised by her words, Jax had a good idea what that something was.

"You don't have to tell me anything...not if you're not ready." He said, trying to give her more time but she gently rebuked his offer.

"I want to, Jax...I've waited three years to tell someone what I thought no one would hear."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N ((Contains mature themes, mentions of torture etc. Swearing. Sorry for the delay in updating, had company visiting. Working on the next chapter now. Enjoy!))**

Toes peeking out from underneath the throw blanket, Lily sat kiddy cornered on the couch, mentally preparing herself for what was to come. Sitting across from her on the other end, Jax waited patiently, and for a time the only sound in the room was the faint whirl of the air conditioner, otherwise it was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. Moving had taken longer than anticipated and it was already nearly 11 o'clock at night both of them felt exhausted for one reason or another, yet neither one anticipated getting much sleep tonight.

Hair combed back, droplets of water dampening the collar of his white t-shirt Jax watched her patiently. The only light in the room provided by the pendant lights hanging above the island in the kitchen, and with his back to the kitchen, his eyes had had the time to adjust to the dimness. He could only assume she had a more limited view of him and for an unknown reason he took comfort in the fact she couldn't see his face.

Eyes staring off to an unseen point on the blanket, Lily wore a pair of sky blue yoga sweats, and an oversized t-shirt, the blanket more or less tucked around her midsection and one shoulder. Blond hair left loose around her shoulders, as she rested her hands on the tops of her knees.

Voice soft and despondent she broke the silence between them.

"We were on a road trip, my friend Hanna and I. She'd convinced me to keep her company on a three-day drive, maybe stay a few weeks in San Francisco. I didn't have any obligations, my contract at work had run out and so it didn't take much convincing on her part. A change of scenery was just what I needed..."

"We stopped at a motel off the highway, some place with only an ice machine out front...It was already dark when we pulled in, Hanna went in to the office to get us a room and I was leaning up against the car waiting for her when someone came out of the room we were parked in front of..."

"He was smoking a cigarette and I thought it was strange he was only wearing jeans, middle of the night and its freezing outside. I couldn't see his face but from the glow of the television inside the room I could see he was tall...his shoulders took up the entire doorway. After a few seconds I got uncomfortable and started walking towards the office, I was in such a hurry I wasn't looking where I was going and slammed into someone...

"It was him, it was Saul."

_Three Years ago..._

_Head turned to peer over her shoulder, breath fogging in the crisp night air, her body collided with a solid mass knocking her flat on her butt on the cold ground. Momentarily stunned, palms scraped from the fall, Lily felt the almost uncomfortable grip of a man's hand wrap around her bicep hoisting her to her feet. Brown eyes nearly black in the dim parking lot light, the man smiled and it just didn't quite reach the eyes. _

_"Shit, girl. You should watch where your going." _

_The feeling of malevolent dread is not immediate, its slow to register as she tries to regain her senses, pulling her arm free. Swallowing, Lily felt the first swells of nervous, taunt energy beginning to prickle against her skin. The man, dressed in black jeans and a long-sleeved green thermal shirt remains where he stands, giving her that same coy smile as before. Gently brushed the bottom of her hands against her pants, Lily glanced in the direction of the office, Hanna's back to the window she was busy talking to the Office Manager. _

_Turning her attention back to the stranger, Lily told herself to be polite. _

_"I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention." She offered._

_Eyes taking in his appearance more closely, she could plainly see the edges of tattoos on the tops of his hands peeking out from the sleeves of his shirt. But it was the large double lighting bolts tattooed on the front his throat that gave Lily great pause. The apprehension she felt grew ten-fold as he took note to where her attention was drawn, the man's smile growing as he lifted his chin higher to give her a better view. Proudly showing off his allegiances. _

_Taking a slow deep breath, she apologized again, e__very fiber of her being telling her to walk away, to walk away now. _

_"Again I'm sorry." _

_Side stepping him, Lily took fast, hurried steps towards the office and didn't stop until she was half way to the desk. Hanna hearing the ping of the door sound, turned to face her, the other young woman's smile faltering as she noticed the perturbed expression Lily wore. _

_"Are you okay?"_

_Turning to look behind her, Lily found the parking lot was empty. The man seemingly vanished in to thin air. _

_"Yeah, I'm fine, I just bumped in to this creepy guy...Like literally and I fell on my ass that's all." _

_Looking out the office window herself, Hanna shouldered her purse. _

_"Shit...He bother you?"_

_Struggling on how to best answer that question, she ultimately shook her head. _

_"It's no big deal, he was just trying to get a rise out of me. He's gone now..." _

_Regarding the other woman skeptically, Hanna eventually relented. Holding up their room keys she jingled them in the air. _

_"Okay, just wait, ten hours from now we'll be enjoying cold beers and fried food on the Pier. Won't even remember that asshole." _

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_Turning on the hotel shower, Lily held her palm beneath the spray testing the waters temperature. _

_Ice cold. _

_Fiddling with the taps it gradually began to heat up until it was nearly scalding. Groaning playfully, she shouted towards the open door. _

_"Our choices at this fine establishment are freezing or scalding our flesh off...Good Lord, wish me luck Hanna." _

_Giggling, Hanna came to lean inside the doorway. Crossing her arms over her chest. _

_"Good luck..." _

_Reaching out Hanna touched Lily's arm. _

_"Hey, I know I've been pushing you hard lately but I'm serious about what I said. You'd be more than welcome to move in with me in Daly, you could audition for a dance company in San Fran it'd be a done deal. The lease on our apartment in is up, I can have my parents ship your stuff with mine..." She said, voice sympathetic. _

_Looking at the bathroom tile for a moment before Lily sighed. She'd kindly rebuffed the offer countless times now, unsure of whether it was for fear of the unknown or something else entirely that was stopping her from accepting the generous offer. Maybe Hanna's stubborn bullheaded nature was finally breaking her down but for some reason this time it held a certain bright appeal. Her friend had been right about a lot of things, there was nothing and no one waiting for her back in Seattle. Not even a houseplant. _

_"Alright..." She finally replied trying her best not to smile, though it tugged at the corners of her lips despite her best efforts._

_"Alright what? Come on, I wanna hear you say it." Hanna said, poking her arm sharply. _

_Smile finally breaking through, Lily returned her friends good-natured jab. _

_"Alright...I'll move in with you! If it means you'll stop using your lawyer tactics to guilt trip me." _

_Celebrating her victory with a mock dance, Hanna stopped to hug her friend. _

_"I'm not a real lawyer technically until next week but I'll take the compliment. You deserve to be happy Lily...Your going to love San Francisco." _

_Breaking apart Hanna pointed to the shower, "I'll leave you to your scalding shower now that I got what I wanted...I'll be right back, I'm gonna run out to the car real quick, grab my makeup bag for the morning."_

_Watching her leave, Lily went to shut the door behind her and laughed out loud at her friends parting words. _

_"Soon as we're settled I'm finding you a goddamn boyfriend! Getting you laid finally is priority number one." _

_Shaking her head she closed the door and within seconds the room was filling with steam. Looking at herself in the small mirror above the pedestal sink, Lily smiled. _

_Hanna was right, she deserved to be happy. _

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_Wiping the steam from the mirror, Lily took a round brush from her bag and started taming her wild mop of blond hair. Piling it in a loose bun atop her head she proceeded to put on a pair of cotton boyshorts when she heard a clipped shout from the room. What sounded like muffled voices. Pausing to listen she first assumed it was the television. Hanna must have found one hell of a movie to watch. T-shirt half over her head, she jumped at the sound of something heavy banged against the other side of the bathroom door. _

_Pulling the shirt the rest of the way down. Eyes never leaving the door she reached__ out, clutching the brass knob, turning it slowly before gently pushing it open. _

_"Hanna..." The words died on her tongue. _

_Sitting on the side of the bed closest to the door, was the man from outside. Hanna who knelt between his legs facing the bathroom door, wore an ashen expression of sickened fear. It matched frighteningly well with the blood smeared across her mouth. In the bright neon lights of the hotel room Lily can see the man's high cheekbones, his clean-shaven face and the bowie-knife clutched in his hand. The blade wet with blood. _

_From across the room, she can hear Hanna's speak, her voice cracking as she begins to plead. _

_"Please...Please don't hurt us, you can have our car, our money...we won't tell anyone." _

_The man with the knife doesn't even stop to consider the offer, if anything he appears to be disappointed. _

_"That's what you all have in common, rich, poor, fat, skinny. Doesn't fucking matter. You all say the same the thing, like a goddamn broken record." He said, waving his free hand in the air dramatically. _

_Lily's own fear is instantaneous and all-consuming as movement out of the corner of her eye draws her attention away and to the mountain of a man only inches away. Hazel eyes raking over her in the way she imagines a predator may appraise a potential meal, dissecting her piece by piece in his mind. In the blink of an eye everything becomes a waking nightmare as he reaches out and touches a lock of her hair, combing his long fingers through the still damp tresses. Lifting a lock to his face he gave it an experimental sniff before letting it drop through his fingers. The man sitting on the bed watching the bizarre display with calm interest. _

_"What'd I tell you, Sam...The eyes, am I right?" _

_The words fill her with dread, and its then that she hears Hanna's words, the panic rising in her voice as she screams. _

_"Run, run Lily. Go!" _

_In her gut she knows she will never make it out the door, turning on her heel she bolts back inside the bathroom, and slams the door behind herself locking it with trembling hands. Moving to quickly for her mind to comprehend yet the true gravity of their situation, Lily is at the bathroom window knuckles white as she desperately tries to open the window. An eternity passes before the window budges, opening only half way. Motivated by the thunderous roar of someone slamming their body in to the thin wooden door she's able to hoist herself up and is nearly free when she feels the vice like grip around her ankle. In one violent tug backward she's ripped halfway back in to the bathroom, hands groping at her waist trying to gain leverage. Screaming, she could feel her fingers breaking away from the cracked stucco exterior and in one final pull she loses the last remaining ounces of strength she has to hold on. _

_Crying out, she bites the inside of her cheek until she can taste the bitter copper tang of blood against her tongue. Arm twisted behind her back, the tension building in the joint has become excoriating, her feet struggling to move, stumbling Samson used her momentum against her shoving her forward and down between the beds where she landed with a thud. Breathe hitching with loud hiccupping sobs she fought to roll over, her gaze falling on the prone form beside her. Lying on her side, close enough to touch, Hanna stared off blindly towards the top of the bed. Eyes unseeing and empty, the blood that had been forcibly smeared across her mouth beginning to dry. Unable to stop herself, Lily reached out, fingers clawing at her arm. _

_"Hanna? Hanna?!" _

_A piece of her knows, knows her friend is dead and the fear is crippling in its truth. _

_Tugging, pleading, she tries to get closer, unwilling to believe she is alone. Black leather boots planting beside them as Saul leaned down prying her fingers from the other woman's body, disconnecting them forever. Pulling her to her feet he held her against him, palm caressing her cheek he brushed the tears away._

_"Come on now...We're gonna have a good time. You'll see." _

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**Present...**

Clearing her throat, and wiping her hands along the bottom of her chin and cheek the memories were still vivid and haunting.

"Only once did they make me watch what they did...did to those girls. I had tried to help one of them get out, but we didn't get very far and I never saw her again after that. They started spiraling out of control, stopped sleeping, eating. Saul started locking me in the bedroom, and leave for hours. He'd come back ranting and raving about needing to cleanse everything...I had no idea he was out damaging your club's property."

Pausing, Lily pulled the blanket off her shoulder letting it fall in a pile on the floor, and for the first time since she began her story did she dare to look up at Jax. He hadn't moved from his place on the couch, wearing an expression she couldn't name. Waiting inside the silence that grew between them, Lily grew nervous, concerned by his reaction when suddenly he sat forward, and gently he curled his hand around hers, rubbing the top of her hand with the pad of his thumb as he did.

When she didn't immediately shy away, Jax took it as a small triumph. He wanted her to trust him, to see that not everything came with a price, least of all human kindness. Neither of them could change the past, and he came to the conclusion he'd been coming to a lot these past few days. Living with uncertainty and fear, wasn't a life worth living. All they could do was take things one step at a time, treat every day as a new opportunity to thrive, to fight for the things that mattered.

Taking a deep breath, Lily squeezed his hand in return.

All she'd ever wanted was the chance to speak, and she felt eternally grateful that he'd been willing to listen.

Gathering her courage, she rested her free hand against his leg only long enough to lean in and press a soft kiss against his cheek. Pulling away she slowly stood up and as he released her hand, he watched her with curious eyes.

"Goodnight Jax."

Truly taken aback by her display of gratitude, Jax remained rooted where he sat.

"Goodnight Lily."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N ((Usual warnings, out of interest from some of you I've decided toy with incorporating this story loosely with the Bullets and Beauty Queens series involving some of it's OC characters. I hope everyone enjoys the first beginnings of that, working on another chapter now!))**

The moments before the sun rose were always the hardest.

Lost in the throes of nightmares, drifting in the endless sea of memories she longed to be figments of her imagination. Definitive in its authenticity, Lily pushed away at the imaginary hands that held her down, twisting in vain to avoid the knife she knows he will carve in to her body. Tossing and turning, clawing helplessly at the blankets she cried out, once, twice, before she let out a terrified scream.

A voice, penetrating down beneath the darkness. Calling to her, its message muffled and pleading and yet she can't make out its message.

Grabbing her by the arms, Jax lifted her up and in to his lap, trying in vain to wake her. Fighting his hold she struggling against him, giving him no choice but to pull her closer as she tried to twist in his arms.

Her whimpering cries telling him all he needed to know.

"Stop, stop! No more, please, please make him stop I'm sorry I'm sorry!"

Cursing under his breath, Jax tried harder.

"Lily, Lily! Wake up, come on wake up."

One by one, the voice becomes clearer and it drags her consciousness further up the rungs of the ladder that is at the bottom of this ghoulish pit. Arm's holding her tight, the voice grows stronger in its persuasion to keep climbing, to trust it knows the way out. A light in the darkness it pulls her through to the other side and there is a fleeting moment of trepidation as she battles to distinguish reality from her nightmare. Softly brushing back the pale blonde locks from her face, Jax worked hard to banish away the last lingering fragments holding her down.

Breathing rapidly through her nose, the palm of her hand flush against his bare chest she looked wildly around the room, expecting the worst.

"Look at me, Darlin, please..."

Cupping her face in his hand, Jax forced her to look at him, waiting to see the recognition in her eyes.

"You're here, in the house with me...You're safe, I promise your safe."

Watching the words register in her eyes, he saw a heavy mixture of embarrassment and relief cross her features. The young woman wrapping slender arms around his neck in a fierce hug, burying her cheek against his shoulder. Twisting his upper body to find a more comfortable position. Not entirely unaware of their compromising states of undress. Embraced in his arms, clinging to him he could feel the warmth of her body through the silk camisole, small breasts pressed against him, the soft hush of her breath on the side of his neck as she tried in vain to calm down. The smooth touch of her bare thigh rubbing against his knee undeniably pleasant.

Closing his eyes, Jax took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her soap that lingered on her skin. Warm vanilla and brown sugar. Rubbing circles on her back, he felt the array of criss-cross linear marks of long newly healed cuts beneath his palm, trailing his finger down a single line he followed its path through the silk fabric until its journey ended just above the small of her back. An intense and anger fueled though entering his mind, If he could kill Saul Michelson again, he would. Over and over again all the while knowing it would never be enough to make amends for what had been done.

"You're safe, I promise you're safe."

Gradually relaxing against him, her tears quieting as she did. "I didn't wake the boys did I?" She inquired, voice filled with worry.

He shook his head, "No, they could sleep through a tornado. I was already awake...you forgot to lock the bedroom door."

Pulling her away from him enough to see her face, he looped his finger through the strap of her camisole that had slipped off the shoulder sliding it back up, his eyes never leaving hers.

"What was this one about?"

"...When they caught us trying to get away. They tied my hands in front of me and made me...made me kneel on the ground. Saul always kept his word, if he told you he was going to do something he did it. This time he promised it would only be my back...but he let Samson use the knife."

Mouth pressing together in a thin line, Jax ran a hand over his goatee. Trying to keep his emotions in check, the last thing he wanted was for Lily to assume they were intended for her. It was a fine line he was walking, his good intentions easily capable of causing more harm than good. With the situation seemingly handled, he knew the logical thing was to put distance between them, politely excuse himself and go back to the couch but he did neither.

Clarity returning to her mind Lily finally took notice of their proximity, the warmth of his body and the quiet strength of his arms holding her close. There it was again, the gratifying feeling she'd come to recognize when he was near. Only this was so much more, palatable in its tenacity it curled inside her stirring a longing she'd never imagined. Forever she'd been denied even the smallest pleasures and for the first time in years she felt connected to someone and despite how selfish it may have seemed Lily didn't care. For just a few moments, she wanted to be reminded there was more in the world then what Saul had taught her.

Laying her head back down on his shoulder, cheek nuzzling against him as she brushed the hair that fell across her cheek. She could feel the steady rhythm of his heart, the carefully measured beats telling her even in his silence he was content to stay.

"If I asked you to come with me somewhere, would you go?" He asked suddenly, taking them both by surprise.

Contemplating his offer, she took her time before nodded against his shoulder. Moving on autopilot, she uncurled her arms from around his neck and eased off his lap, heading towards the closet. When she emerged again she held a folded pair of jeans, and shirt in one hand and a pair of black ankle boots in the other. Rising from his seat on the bed, Jax rubbed the back of his neck watching her disappear inside the bathroom the shower turning on a few moments later. He imagined she was anxious, it took a big leap of faith on her part to simply accept his invitation without much question. Despite the usual Club dealings and everyday issues he'd been able to keep things fairly streamlined, affording Lily the luxury of solidarity. A month had been a generous amount of time, even he had to admit it would be good for her to get out. She was stronger than she realized and one way or another, Jax was determined to prove it to her.

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Hair drying in relaxed waves, wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a white V-neck t-shirt, Lily zipped up the black hoody jacket. Waiting patiently in the entryway as Jax left instructions with the new nanny, following him out to the driveway watched him curiously as he opened the compartment on the motorcycle pulling out a spare helmet. In the first blush of dawn she could see the indistinct way he paused to look at her, as if he had realized something he'd never contemplated before.

Right hand holding her arm, she stepped forward to take the helmet. Sitting on the seat Jax put on his leather gloves before snapping on his own helmet, taking a seat behind him as he did so. Asking her to hold on to his waist she complied only to have him readjust them to hold his hips beneath the leather cut, fingertips brushing the top of his metal belt buckle. While it was normally difficult for Jax to get a genuine read on the young woman, this time he found there was no issue at all. Cheeks turning a fair shade of scarlet he got his answer, and it was safe to assume she was undeniably shy.

The road was practically deserted in the early morning hours, the sun just beginning its climb over the hills. The steady rumble of the Dyna's engine drowning out anything else that remained. The rest of the world fading in to the background. Keeping the motorcycle at a steady speed he glanced in the mirror taking in the sight of her hair whipping around her face he could tell she was starting to relax, slipping his hand down from the handle bar he gave her hand a gentle so often in the mirror, assuring himself his passenger was alright.

When he removed his gloved hand, Lily felt the tiniest sense of loss, unwilling to explore the feeling further for fear of what it may represent, she did her best to ignore it all together. Summer air whipping past her face was freeing, she could understand his love for riding, the unlimited sense of freedom it provided.

Taking an exit, he steered them down the off ramp and made a right turn on to a smaller, more narrow road that dead ended at the open entrance of an abandon drive in movie theatre. Thoroughly puzzled, Lily waited until he backed the bike up behind the cover of the huge dilapidated screen and shut off the engine to speak.

"This is...unexpected." She offered, and unsnapping his helmet Jax helped her off the bike.

Opening the compartment on the Dyna, this time he pulled out a handgun similar to his own. Checking the clip he popped it back in and turned the safety back on. Flipping his sunglasses a top his head he gave her a level stare.

"Have you ever shot a gun?"

Shaking her head, Lily felt a pang of nervousness strike her. The magnitude of respect required for such a weapon not beyond her comprehension. Watching the emotions cross her face, Jax grabbed an extra box of ammunition and motioned for her to follow him a few yards towards an old refreshment stand. Taking off his gloves he threw them down and came to stand beside her.

"I want you to know how to defend yourself, I'd feel better about you being home alone if you did."

Nodding wordlessly, Lily did her best to absorb the impromptu lesson in general gun safety. Until now she'd never . Her heart fluttering madly as he moved, coming to stand behind her his body flush against hers as he wrapped his arms around her. Taking her hands he helped her grip the gun comfortably but firm. Cheek gently pressed against hers he helped her aim at the building, in the general area of the small windows lining the front. His index finger lying over hers he kept it off the trigger for now.

Warm drawl of his voice near her ear sending goose bumps down her arms, his voice oddly muffled with the ear plugs he'd provided.

"Make sure the safety's off, keep your line of sight through your left eye, finger off the trigger until your ready to shoot."

"Take a deep breath, count down from three in your mind, squeeze the trigger don't pull. It'll pop up when you fire, so lean forward in to the shot."

Lily turned her head just enough to look at him for a brief second before turning back to the target. Doing exactly as he'd told her, she took a long cleansing breath, counting down from three as felt him rest his hands comfortably on her hips. Squeezing the trigger as she reached zero, she prayed to God she hit the target. The shot is oddly deafening, body lurching backward a fraction of an inch, Jax's hands easily keeping her upright.

A rush of adrenaline flooding her veins she gave a stunned bark of laughter, seeing the small window shatter on impact. Not having expected to hit anything on the first try she kept the gun aimed at the building but turned her shoulders to look at her instructor, grinning from ear to ear.

"I hit it! Oh god, I hit it...That's good right, I hit the window?"

"Can I try again?" She asked excitedly, cheeks flush in the cooler morning air.

Amused, Jax smiled. Generally pleased to see she wasn't as intimidated as before she'd tried shooting, already adapting. He'd be lying to himself if he wasn't the slightest bit proud for being partly responsible for bringing the first real smile to her face.

"It's all you Darlin, go for it."

A round of ammunition later, they'd used up a decent part of the morning and as expected it wasn't long before Jax's cellphone buzzed in his pocket. Putting away the last of their things he leaned against the seat of the Dyna as he took the call, keeping a watchful eye on Lily a few yards away where she sat on a picnic table bench, her attention caught up in the task of braiding her long hair over one shoulder.

Replying to the questions on the other end of the phone, Jax closed his eyes pinching the bridge of his nose between forefinger and thumb. Sighing dejectedly.

"Yes, I'll be by the shop this morning...No, why? Because it's none of your goddamn business, I'm not having this conversation with you. I have to go."

Hanging up the phone he shoved the piece of technology back in his vest pocket, dragging his fingers through his hair. A part of him wished he knew what the hell his mothers problem was, but he'd come to learn over the course of his life she was just who she was, and more commonly then not meant she was a throne in his side. At first he'd pinned her erratic behavior to Clay's death, the club's immense stress and setbacks but his gut told him it was something else entirely. Whatever it was, he didn't have time for her bullshit.

Watching Lily retreat back to the bike, hand holding her arm he stood up from the seat.

"I have to go to the shop, check on the renovations...You can come with me or I can swing by the house. It's up to you."

Surprising him again, Lily shrugged one shoulder.

"I could come to the shop with you, if it's not to much trouble. Id like to see it."

Inwardly pleased with her decision to venture out in to society for the day, Jax worried none the less about his mothers explosive tendencies. She hadn't said she was coming to the shop today but that didn't mean she wouldn't make an appearance at one point or another. It would just be a risk they'd have to take, sooner or later she was bound to find a way to bump in to his house guest.

"It's not much to look at right now but it's coming together..."

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Despite the renovation crew bustling around the lot, the Teller-Morrow garage was decently busy, a few customers waiting out front of the small office. Jax had told the truth when he said the main club house wasn't much to look at, the garage being the first addition of the project completed. The burned and charred remains had been long since cleaned out, the bare skeleton of the building taking shape. Backing in to his space among the other bikes, Jax took of his sunglasses tucking them in to his cut before he helped Lily off the bike, his touch lingering on her shoulder without realizing it.

"I gotta go talk to Bobby...Shouldn't be more than twenty minutes. Stay close to the office, I'll come find you okay?"

Watching him walk towards the garage Lily lingered near the row of motorcycles for a minute or so before she forced her feet to move. Easing her way towards the office and she noticed a man leaning in the doorway, talking to someone inside. Just as he looked up to see her, Lily felt a moment of awkwardness and stopped mid stride. Taking his hands out of his pockets, Tig pushed away from the doorway glancing back inside the office he said something she couldn't hear before he approached her with causal strides.

"Hey Doll, Jax with Bobby?" He asked, seeing the lost sort of way Lily stood frozen in place.

Chastising herself in her mind, Lily nodded telling herself to smile.

"Hi,Tig...Yeah he's with Bobby." She replied jutting with her thumb in the direction she'd seen Jax walk off to.

Interrupted in his next question, Tig turned back to the office his attention turning towards a petite young woman with dark brown hair that was pulled in to a high sleek pony tail. Dressed in a sky blue halter summer dress and wedge sandals she was very pretty, her eyes mirror images of Tragers. A pink note pad of service invoices in one hand and a cellphone in the other she came to stand beside Tig, elbowing him playfully she gave Lily a welcoming smile.

"Are you going to introduce me or what?"

Waiting with bated breathe Lily waited in anticipation as Tig made the formal introductions.

"Uh, well this is Lily. She came in with Jax today."

Regardless of full hands, she refrains from reaching out to greet Lily, remembering her fathers warnings of personal space still being a big issue for their guest.

"It's about time Jax brought you by...I'm Aria, Happy's wife it's nice to finally meet you."

Pausing to hand her father the note pad of invoices she pointed towards the few waiting customers.

"Dad can you make sure the Civic and the blue Dodge get out on time, Jax comes looking tell him Lily's in the office with me."

Waving for the other woman to follow her, Aria pulled up an extra seat to the edge of the desk. Papers littered in various piles across the top, Lily could tell they were in a state of organization. Something that probably hadn't happened in awhile. Noticing Lily's expression she smiled again.

"You don't have to be nervous. I just figured you'd like some female company for a change. Trust me I know how overwhelming this group of guys can be at first."

Fidgeting a little in her seat, Lily glanced towards the doorway before answering Aria.

"I'm learning how to adjust...Thank you, for the cloths by the way. You have no idea how much it means to me."

Although Aria herself had come from a rather impoverished background she'd still had everyday luxury's, reasonable amounts of safety. She couldn't imagine what it had been like for Lily, so she had to agree with the other woman, she had no idea how much it meant but she was hoping she could come to understand it in the least.

"Your welcome, Tessa and I were more than happy to help. We've wanted to come by and introduce ourselves but Jax said you weren't up for visitors or we would have come by sooner...Tess is on a photo shoot this week but she'll be back Monday, maybe if your up to it we can go shopping. God knows you'd probably like to spend some time with girls."

Smiling faintly, Lily nodded sensing it was easy to open up to Aria. She was polite and gentle, not a seemingly mean bone in her body by what she could tell.

Answering with a bashful tone she plucked at an invisible thread on her sweatshirt. "I don't mind spending time with Jax and the boys...they've been very welcoming. Though I suppose it would be good for me to get out."

Leaning back in her chair, Aria glanced in the direction of the parking lot.

"Someone's looking for you...He looks awfully anxious he can't see you." She said, a knowing tone to her voice that Lily found playful as if she were implying something.

Just as she stood from the chair, Jax popped in the doorway and Aria witnessed first hand the way they regarded one another with silent appreciation, relief etched on his features to see she was comfortable. She wondered if either of them even had a clue. Bidding Lily goodbye, Aria promised to let her know when they were planning on a shopping trip and watched the pair head towards the row of motorcycles. Watching them from the doorway she saw Jax snap on his helmet, turning on the engine and popping up the kickstand. His gloved hand coming to rest over Lily's for the smallest of moments.

Smiling, Aria turned back to her work.

She was betting neither of them had the slightest clue.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N ((Rated for swearing, and mild adult content. Enjoy!))**

Sitting cross-legged on the carpet, Lily took her time coloring in the pages of the Bob the Builder giant coloring book. Every so often, Abel took a moment to appraise her work and make adjustments to his own.

Pointing to her page with his blue crayon Abel said. "I like your picture..."

Licking her lips, she smiled at him causing the little boy to giggle.

"Thank you Abel, I like yours as well."

Continuing to color in silence for a few more minutes, she was startled to hear the sound of Thomas crying in his crib down the hall.

Glancing up from his work, Abel replied in his soft voice. "Uh oh, brothers crying."

Watching the bathroom door for a few seconds listening for the sound of the shower still running she knew Jax couldn't hear him. Standing up slowly she set down her crayon in the crease of the coloring book.

"Keep coloring Abel, I'll be right back."

Walking in to the nursery, she paused in front of the crib where Thomas sat wailing, tears running down his cheeks as he reached up to her. Unsure of what was within her rights she hesitated. Today was a rare occasion when the nanny had the day off, but Lily couldn't bear to see Thomas upset and taking initiative picked him up carefully, holding the child against her, and scrambled to remember how to calm a fussy baby. Figuring it was worth a shot she tried the first thing that came to mind. Swaying gently from side to side she rubbed his back, talking to him a soothing voice.

"Its okay...Don't cry, don't cry sweet baby."

The last time she recalled holding a baby this age had to be one of her foster siblings, and that had been years ago, enacted by a former version of herself.

Stroking the soft hair on his head she turned them back towards the living room, not wanting to leave Abel alone for long. They found the older boy just as she'd left him, happily coloring in his book. Lowering herself back down on to the floor, she turned Thomas to face the coffee table and within a few moments his crying quieted and he watched transfixed as Abel showed him his nearly completed masterpiece.

"Thomas knew we having a fun and he wanted to join in." She said, smiling.

Reaching over to offer his baby brother his own crayon, Abel looked up towards the sound of the front door as it swung open. A tall, older brunet woman wearing a white and blue plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows and dark washed jeans, black leather purse slung over one shoulder showed herself inside. Before Lily could even conjure an idea of who it could be, Abel jumped up from his seat rushing towards her, shouting excitedly.

"Grandma's here!"

"Grandma's here!"

Picking the boy up, Gemma gave him an enthusiastic hug, kissing his cheek.

"Hey my handsome prince, what are you are doing?" She asked, openly ignoring Lily's presence.

Pointing to the coffee table, Abel beamed with pride over his artwork.

"Coloring with Lily."

Setting him down on the floor, Gemma put her keys inside her purse walking over to inspect their work before she decided to give Lily her undivided attention.

Oh lucky me, Lily thought noticing the way Gemma Teller regarded her. She'd seen this look, or similar versions of it enough times to know what it meant. Everything was a power play with people like this, but ever the optimist Lily told herself to take the high road as long as she could tolerate. Taking a seat on the couch, Gemma paused to watch as Abel went about choosing a new set of colors for his next picture.

"So, tell me are you the new Nanny or Nazi Barbie."

Adjusting her hold on Thomas, Lily counted down from five, the moral high ground was a shorter road than she'd anticipated. Jax's mother or not, she wasn't about to let someone walk all over her. Least of all a woman who knew nothing about her. This wasn't anything more than a pissing contest and she knew by the way Gemma presented herself the once Matriarch was entirely too used to winning.

"Hello Ms. Teller." She countered, keeping her voice calm, level.

Rolling her eyes as she smirked, Gemma didn't try to hide her amusement.

"Cute, but I think I have a right to know whose watching my grandbabies."

Lily looked away from Gemma as she took the time to stand up, cradling Thomas against her shoulder before she looked back at the older woman, her calm expression remaining steadfast.

"I don't think it matters to you, who I am." She answered, head held high.

Lips parted as she narrowed her eyes, Gemma frowned.

"Damn straight, it doesn't."

Hearing the bathroom door unlock, Lily turned on her heel and headed down the hall. Catching Jax just as he was making a bee-line for the guest room, towel held tightly around his hips, water still dripping from his hair as he stopped to see what was going on.

"Everything okay?"

Lily motioned towards the living room.

"Your mothers here, she's...Interesting."

Looking in the direction of the living room, Jax sighed as if preparing himself.

"Fuck, alright I'll be right there..."

Rushing to get dressed, Jax came out a few minutes later wearing a pair of jeans and a dark navy blue shirt, the word SAMCRO written across the chest. Hair messily combed back he gently took Thomas from Lily and as she gave him a soft smile and retreated back to the privacy of her room, though she kept the door ajar. Walking in to the living room Jax gave his mother a hard look, telling her he knew she'd said something asinine. Hand on her hip, Gemma didn't disappoint her son.

"Real cute, you really think it's okay to leave her alone with the boys?"

Deciding how he wanted to play this, Jax knew there wasn't much choice.

"She's fine, if I didn't trust her around my boys she wouldn't be here."

As usual she had a different opinion, one that instantly grated his nerves.

"Your under a lot of stress Jackson, you hire that nanny for the boys when they should be with family."

"Ever since Clay you've been MIA...I tried giving you a chance with the boys, but your off doing whatever the fuck it is you do. So don't come to me with your bullshit grievances. I'm tired of fighting with you." He admitted.

Pointing in the direction of the master bedroom, Gemma only heard what she wanted to and it was racked with guilt, the blame he was unconsciously laying at her feet.

"With everything that's happened the last thing we need is to let strangers in, we don't know what her agenda is. You didn't listen to me before and look where it got it you, first wife's a junkie whore and the second was a Ra..."

Jax stared at his mother with a withering expression as he held up a hand, stopping her mid sentence. Jaw clenching he turned towards his eldest son and touched Abel's hair catching the child's attention, his voice low and controlled.

"Hey buddy, why don't you go play in your room for awhile...Daddy needs to talk to Grandma real quick."

Gazing up at his father, Abel shrugged his shoulders oblivious to what was going on.

"Okay, Daddy."

Waiting until he heard the tell-tale sounds of Abel ripping through his toy chest, the clattering of action figures and Lego sets hitting the floor before he uttered another word.

"Are you that angry and bitter inside that you have to go out of your way to fuck with me? Your right, I have been under some stress...I've had to bury my best friend, and my children's mother, pull MY club back together. But you dare assume my mind and my judgment aren't sound. I will not buy in to your insane need for attention."

Knowing the right thing would be to apologize, to be honest with her son, Gemma found she just couldn't do it.

Pointing towards the master bedroom she added gasoline to the already smoldering fire.

"_**That** woman is not family, she is_ **_not_** their mother."

Closing his eyes, Jax stood still back ramrod straight.

Voice dangerously low he opened his eyes to look at his mother, and he wondered when the last time he recognized her was, if he'd ever really known.

"Get out."

"Jax..I.."

"Out. Get the fuck out of my house."

()()()()()()

Even after he shut the door, Jax stood there, watching the blurry images of his mother walking down the driveway and to her car. Shifting Thomas in his arms he kissed his son's forehead, holding him closer. Gemma was so eager to keep them lost in the past and under her thumb but Jax couldn't stand the thought, he wanted to leave it all behind, forge a new and better future. Now it only stood to reason whether he wanted to be an end to the chaos or the sharp end of the knife. On the best of days, there was no difference.

()()()()()()

Grease on his hands, Jax knelt by the once sky blue painted motorcycle. He'd managed to salvage a bit but there was still a lot of work to do. A side project he'd found himself gravitating towards in the late sleepless nights. Wiping his forearm across his brow he stood up, stretching his shoulders and set down the wrench in his hand. He'd been out here since he put the boys to sleep, and he hadn't seen Lily since dinner hours ago. Wiping his hands on his jeans he headed towards the door, slapping the garage door button as he went through. Holding the door as to not let it slam, he paused inside the laundry room allowing his eyes to adjust to the darkness when he realized he wasn't the only one still awake.

Lily sat perched on the edge of the granite counter, bare legs dangling over the edge as she balanced a carton of ice cream wrapped in a dish towel. With just the light from beneath the microwave to illuminate the space, he could see well enough to know she was only wearing an oversized t-shirt. Navigating a haphazard bite that teetered on the spoon she cursed softly, as a melting drop fell on her thigh. Leaning over her lap, the curtain of blonde hair falling over her face, she wiped at the drop of sticky liquid with her thumb, lips still wrapped around the tip of her thumb as she lifted her head again hearing the soft hush of the garage door closing.

Stepping out of the safety of the laundry room, Jax came to stand at the kitchen sink turning on the tap he began the seemingly mundane task of washing the grease from his hands all the while the blood rushing in his ears. Reaching out of habit for the towel that normally hung off the lower cabinet door he came up empty. Leaving him with no choice but to coolly turn and face her. Setting the carton down between her legs, Lily felt like a deer in the headlights, unwrapping the towel from around the carton and held it out to Teller who casually took it from her. Leaning his back against the opposite counter he dried his hands, a smile slowly manifesting itself on his face and try as she might Lily couldn't resist taking the bait. Her own bashful smile pulling at the corner of her lips.

Tossing the towel near the sink, Jax glanced at the clock on the microwave, his mind turning over the thoughts that had plagued him for days ever since that night.

Pushing away from the counter, he watched as her shoulders tensed seeing him close the distance between them, and he didn't let this discourage him. Taking the spoon gently from her hand and dipped it in, taking a slow deliberate bite as he inspected his house guest. The cold treat melted against his tongue. The oversized men's shirt she wore an XL size by the look of it, making it more of a dress on Lily's slender, shorter frame. Sitting up on the edge of the counter, the shirts hem had ridden up to the very top of her thighs, just nearing the bend of her waist and he felt her bare foot brush against the pant leg of his jeans.

Scooping a small bite, he raised the spoon to her lips, eye level with him, Lily had no choice but to meet his stare as she took the offered bite and it was then she realized that was his intention all along. Hand rising to wipe away the drip of vanilla on her chin he stopped her, cupping the side of her face as he made to brush it away the pad of his thumb just touching her skin, when he paused seemingly changing his mind. Breathing rushing out of her, as he took the carton from between her legs and set it aside.

Leaning in, Jax kissed her, pausing to lick the sweet sugary taste left on his lips, before he pressed another kiss to corner of her mouth, lingering as he did so. Lily gripped the edge of the counter of either side of her. Gasping at the sensation of the oddly wicked and tender gesture, his voice sending shivers down her skin as the spoon clattered to the floor, forgotten.

"If you don't want me to...I'll stop." Hand still cradling her cheek he prayed to God she didn't send him away, that he hadn't made a mistake.

Heart beating steadily, Lily asked herself if she really wanted him to stop, the fingers of his free hand creeping along the hemline of her shirt, and beneath the fabric to stroke the bare skin of her side. The contact sending a rush of voracity through her veins and her mouth is on his before she can cheat herself, obliterating any doubt in his mind that she's unsure. Kissing her long and deep, with an urgency that she fully met in return. Coming to stand between her legs he pulled her closer, his hand encouraging her legs to wrap around his waist as her back arched in to him.

Lily's delicate hands raking through his hair, the stirring sound of her breathless moan the last piece of reassurance he needs.

**A/N ((I'm curious if you guys would like the ending of this chapter as a reality or a dream sequence, either one is an interesting, steamy possibility let me know.)) **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N ((Rated for swearing. Enjoy! Working on the next chapter.))**

The clattering sound of the garbage truck outside woke him, the mechanical arm slamming the large can down on the street. Living room still bathed in darkness, Jax sat up, hands coming to rub his eyes before looking down the hall towards the closed master bedroom door.

A dream. Another excuse to torture himself.

Standing up, he wrapped the blanket around his waist and shuffled through the kitchen, rifling through his Cut pockets for his pack of cigarettes and lighter. Opening the slider enough to slip through he left it open and took a seat in one of the plastic lawn chairs, keeping his back to the house. Taking a long inhale of the nicotine he closed his eyes trying to imagine again the way she had felt beneath his hands.

He could still remember the sweet taste of her mouth against his, even if it hadn't been real.

Thumb nail scratching the bottom of his chin, leaning forward his bare feet flat against the cold concrete he told himself not to dwell on the dream. A part of Jax uncomfortable with the notion that he felt guilty. Not for his feelings towards Lily, whether mundane or real at this point in time held no merit. Nothing yet existing for him to feel threatened or rewarded. The pair of them eternally circling the other, never farther than arms reach. The guilt he felt came from what he no longer felt now, as the days had become months. Time giving him the clarity he'd wished he'd had then.

Tara had asked him once, what he was doing to her, when all along they should have asked what they were doing to each other.

One event after another, each of them misinterpreting the signs.

All the blood spilled, the sacrifices each of them made, whether it had been in declaration of love or self-preservation didn't mean the same thing now. He'd held his love for Tara to such a high standard it had blinded him, and when she'd returned from Chicago he'd willingly lived in ignorance to the fact neither of them were the same people, that they couldn't have loved one another any better than they had.

Admittedly, Jax had taken things for granted, and often or not taken things simply because it pleased him. That was what he'd come to expect. He didn't know what he expected now, let alone from the fragile woman who was taking hold of his dreams. The upcoming run to visit the other neighboring charters would do him good, give him the time he needed to gain a better perspective, to breathe.

Exhaling a breath of smoke through his nose, Jax stubbed out the cigarette in the ashtray beside the chair. The light from the master bedroom turning on, its faint yellow glow beaming through the frosted glass window of the bathroom, telling him Lily was awake.

If he wanted to be happy, he knew he had to let go of the guilt, the shame of his failures.

He had to let Tara go, lord knew she'd let go of him a long time ago.

()()()()()()

()()()()()

_Trager Residence..._

Closing the door quietly behind her, shouldering two duffel bags worth of clothing on her shoulder, Tessa laid the bags down in the entry way. Eyes adjusting the dimness, ears straining to hear any sign of life. Taking off her high heel shoes she dropped them on the couch before heading down the hall and towards the back bedrooms. Checking one room she found the bed empty, the covers rumpled, drawers left half-open telling her its occupant nowhere to be seen.

Opening the door at the end of the hall she was careful not to slam it, the soft click of the doorknob turning in her hand the only sign she was there. Navigating through the room by the sliver of light from the bathroom she paused at the foot of the bed unbuttoning her jeans she hopped from one foot to the other taking them off, the white t-shirt she wore soon to follow its companion on the floor. Crawling on the bed, her hands touching the warm body half in and half out of the blankets. The cool touch of her hand against his chest rousing him from sleep, shifting on to his back, his hands automatically coming to rest on hers. The soft touch evolving in to a sultry eagerness that made things go low and tight inside her. A missing piece of the puzzle clicking back in to place, helping her to feel complete once more.

Directing her to straddle him as he sat up in the bed, she was at his mercy, exactly where she loved to be. Fingers combing through the back of her long hair, gripping it gently as he pressed a hot kiss to her neck, the other hand pulling her closer against him.

Moaning softly through parted lips, Tessa gladly expressed her affection, kissing him boldly.

"Thought you weren't coming home til tomorrow?" He asked as they briefly pulled apart, his voice raspy with sleep.

Kissing along his jaw and cheek.

"Finished shooting early, took the first flight back...Wasn't about to miss our Anniversary. Where's Chib's, I wanted to celebrate with him to."

Taking her wrists in his hands, Tig pinned them behind the small of her back. The gentle manipulation causing her to arch her back, breasts pressing against him.

"He's at the shop, making a run to the Washington charter tomorrow, we'll just have to start celebratin without him."

Thinking better of their positions, Tig released her hands and kissed her as he unwrapped her legs from around his waist, pushing her backwards he followed her down. Hands unfurling above her head, Tessa watched him through half lidded eyes, anticipation of what was to come sending a rush of excitement through her. Her smile bright as he wedged his knee between her legs, pushing them apart, fingers sliding through hers as he gripped her hands. He intended to show her his devotion. One tantalizing touch at a time.

()()()()()()

()()()()()

Pulling her hair up in a sloppy bun, Lily tugged at the bottom of her lilac colored shirt checking her appearance in the mirror for the hundredth time that morning. Aria was on her way over to pick her up for an all expenses paid girl's outing. The thought of visiting a busy outdoor mall made her feel both equal measures of both anxiety and elation. Telling herself it would be good for her to bond with Aria, the experience would take her mind off Jax leaving for Washington, the week-long separation raising concern in her mind and Lily knew she'd come to rely on the reassurance he provided. She'd survived the impossible already, one week alone at the house would be a piece of cake.

Hearing the doorbell ring she took a deep breath, knowing it was now or never.

Crossing through the living room to answer the door, Lily saw a glimpse of Jax sitting at the island, coffee cup held between his hands. The Son had acted differently lately, as if his mind were preoccupied, something private dominating his attention. The shift in behavior was subtle, nearly invisible, but Lily felt it and it piqued her curiosity though she knew it would have to wait for another day, there were to many other things vying for her attention. Opening the door she was greeted by Aria who was carrying a small boy in her arms, the toddler squirming to be let down.

"Down Mama, down down!" He said, exasperated.

Unsurprised by his enthusiasm, Aria set him down as they stepped inside the entry way.

"Okay, Good lord Alex. Go find cousins, I bet they can't wait to play with you."

Before she's even finished speaking, the boy is rushing down the hall, already knowing his way around. Shaking her head Aria turned to Lily who couldn't help but smile.

"He looks just like his dad..." She said, watching him disappear in to Abel's room where she knew he was playing with the Nanny and his brother.

Aria laughed, "Trust me when I say he is his fathers son. Ready to go? Tessa's going meet us at the mall, said she had to stop by the shop first."

Nodding, Lily couldn't resist glancing towards Jax. Deciding it was entirely proper and normal to tell him goodbye. Telling Aria she'd meet her outside she went over to where he sat, standing near his bar stool her fingertips touching the granite counter.

Tracing a line in the stone, Lily smiled softly. "So you'll be back on Friday?"

Looking up from a text message, Jax gave her his full attention, a strange look crossing over his face as if he were reminded of something. They hadn't had much time to discuss the upcoming trip but he knew exactly what she was thinking, even though she was wearing a brave face. Moving at his own accord he reached over, placing his palm over hers. The elementary gesture, triggering a sense of calm that was visible in her face and shoulders. Keeping a tight rein on his actions, Jax kept the contact brief, just long enough to reassure her.

"Yeah, it'll go by quick. Tig and Juice'll be staying behind, their numbers are in the prepay."

Nodding, she took her hand off the counter, instinctively feeling the shift in his mood. Wondering if that was all he had to say she was caught off guard by his question.

"Where are the guns?" He asked suddenly.

Lifting her eyes to meet his again, Lily faltered for a moment before answering. "The guest room closet, the key is under the statue on the dresser."

"At night, keep the Beretta on the nightstand with the safety on, during the day keep it locked up. I'll be back late Friday night."

Hand lingering near hers, Jax focused his attention on the words knowing he couldn't explain to her why he was acting differently, he wasn't sure he could even explain it to himself. Before he could do anything else he turned away gathering his keys off the counter and tucking his smokes in his front pocket.

"Everything'll be okay." He offered, pushing in the stool he turned without another word and walked out to the garage, leaving her to wonder if he was right.

()()()()

()()()

()()

Sifting through the racks in H & M, Aria answered a text on her cellphone before stowing it away in her purse.

"Tessa would be late to her own funeral, I swear." She joked, moving over next to Lily who seemed less overwhelmed then she had in the last previous two stores.

Having donated most of the clothing to Lily's closet, Aria knew what sizes to pick out and with efficient practice she plucked four or five appealing outfits from the racks. Holding them out to Lily she began collecting a small pile of options to try on.

"...If you don't mind me asking Lily, how are you sleeping?"

Semi distracted by the growing pile of clothing in her arms, Lily answered with only minor hesitation.

"A lot of the time I wake up and I think I'm still there...that I never left. I keep waiting for it to become easier, but it's hard."

Stopping what she was doing, Aria paused, hanger in hand.

"You're afraid all the time, waiting for them to find you because they always find you."

Staring at the other woman, Lily bit her lower lip looking away from her as she wondered how she could know.

Aria gave her a sympathetic smile. "I know what it feels like to be afraid...It seems impossible now, but it gets better, I promise."

Heading towards the fitting rooms, Lily chose her favorites out of the pile, wishing more than anything the other woman was right. Just as she was about to go inside she hard a voice shout towards them and in the next second a woman wearing a pair of jean shorts and white tank-top appeared next to them. Auburn hair stylishly arranged in loose beachy curls. The oddly casual attire catching Aria off guard.

"Did you just wake up, Tessa? You said you'd be here two hours ago."

Rubbing the back of her neck, Tessa sheepishly shrugged her shoulder only looking about as half guilty as she should have.

"I know, I'm sorry. I just lost track of time, I stopped to see Chib's before they left for Washington he said he wanted to talk to me."

Rolling her eyes, Aria laughed. "Oh talking huh, is that what they call it now?"

This time Tessa had the decency to look embarrassed.

"Shut up, I'm serious...He got some package from Ireland, they had to go before we could really discuss anything, I'll tell you about it later."

Smiling Aria inwardly worried about Tessa, she rarely ever presented herself so casually, something had to be bothering her. Giving her friend the distraction she craved, she made the formal introductions. Unlike Aria, Tessa had few personal boundaries and hugged Lily before the other woman could do much about it. Laughing nervously, Lily found the contact not unpleasant and she took it as a good sign perhaps sometimes she just needed a push in the right direction.

The trio made one more stop before they toured the rest of the mall, more people watching than anything when Tessa suddenly halted their progression in front of a Victoria Secret. Her manicured hand taking Lily's in hers and with a playful grin pulled her gently in the direction of the doorway.

"One more stop, this is the most important one."

Gently tugging against the other woman's grip, Lily turned at least five shades of red.

"Tessa..."

"Lily..." Managing to pull her inside the store, Tessa continued her campaign.

"It's not what your thinking."

Snorting as she laughed, Aria started looking through the table of assorted neon lingerie. "I think its exactly what she's thinking Tess...Your meddling, as usual."

Trying to keep up a serious, well-meaning expression. Tessa's smile only grew.

"Shut up, you can't pretend you weren't doing the same thing when you talked her in to that mani-pedi early."

Sighing, Aria knew her friend was right. "Alright, so I was. At least I was subtle about it...Your being about as subtle as a red neon sign."

Waving her hand at Aria, Tessa wrapped an arm around Lily's shoulders.

"Like I was saying before I was so _rudely _interrupted...It's not...Er...entirely what your thinking. Humor me, okay Lily?"

Looking between the two women with heavy skepticism, Lily wasn't sure if she wanted to but they'd been beyond welcoming and she supposed she could at least hear what Tessa had in mind. A part of her secretly relishing in the attention, the endearing, eccentric woman reminded her a lot of Hanna and if her friend were here she'd be undoubtedly giving her the same spiel.

"...Humor you how?" She asked, smiling to show Tessa she was willing to play along.

Smiling victoriously, Tessa guided her in the direction of the middle portion of the store. Stopping in front of a table of lace cheekster panties, picking up a two toned blue pair she twirled it around her finger before picking up a matching lace bra.

"You, my dear, look incredible in blue. Take these, you're going to try them on."

Heat creeping up her neck, Lily begrudgingly took the lingerie.

"Why do I think this isn't just you guys rounding up my new wardrobe..."

Making a few choices for Lily herself, Aria gave her a kind smile.

"Probably because it's not, just try a few things it's no pressure Lily honest...Tessa mean's well, it's just easier to give her what she wants."

Waiting patiently in the changing room lobby, the pair of women sat on the tufted bench and Aria was unsurprised by Lily's hesitation. Elbowing Tessa in the side she stood up from her seat. Peeking in at the other woman's shy request, she closed the curtain behind her. Upon entering the dressing room, she was greeted by the sight of Lily still wearing the fourth round of lingerie auditions. A white lace bra and her jeans. The simplicity of the design on her a perfect mixture of innocent and sweet. It was sophisticated without being to showy, and it fit the young woman's personality well.

"Lily you look beautiful...What's wrong?" She asked seeing the overwhelming expression developing on her face.

Sitting on a tufted stool, Lily fidgeted, hands held together at her knees.

"I knew this wasn't a good idea, we can leave Lily you don't have to try anymore on..."

Reaching out Lily grasped Aria's hands, shaking her head.

"No, no I'm not upset at you guys, I know what your trying to do. I'm not that naïve...Its just, whose going to want me this way?" She asked, tears spilling down her cheeks.

Kneeling down in front of her, Aria hushed her, wiping the tears away.

"What do you mean, 'this way?'"

"After what happened..Its so hard to be touched by anyone, it's only ever hurt."

Struck by a pang of sadness, Aria knew she had to tread lightly. This was a sensitive subject, she didn't want to make Lily feel anymore defeated then she already felt.

"Oh sweetheart, you need to give yourself time to heal...What you went through wasn't easy, no one expects you to jump right in to anything serious."

Running her fingers through her hair, Lily was racked with embittered humiliation.

"I was only twenty-six when I met Saul, he's all I have to compare anything to."

Shocked, Aria could only stare at her. Turning to catch sight of Tessa peeking her head in she furiously shooed the other woman away. Startled, Tessa backed out closing the door quickly.

Ten minutes later, Aria emerged. Taking hold of her friend's arm she pulled her out of earshot of the stall.

"Ow! Jesus, what the hell's your problem."

Pausing as she was still reeling from Lily's confession, Aria let go of Tessa's arm. Explaining to her in great detail what Lily had confessed to her. Eyes wide, Tessa tried to wrap her mind around the words.

"That's fucked up, I mean...Really, how is that possible."

"She was committed to her job, it just didn't allow for much personal time...The reasons don't matter. We're not playing Cupid anymore."

Frowning, Tessa tapped her foot on the floor, that familiar guilty expression returning.

"What, what is that look for? Tessa, what did you do?!"

"Nothing! It was before you dropped this bombshell on me, I may...or may not have sent Chib's a text."

Closing her eyes, Aria paled to imagine what chain of events she may have triggered.

"...Tell me now."

"It's harmless Aria, I just told him where we were."

Knowing her better than that, Aria snatched her friends purse from her shoulder, turning away as she began rooting through for her phone. Finding the device she scrolled through reading the last few exchanges before looking up at Tessa.

"Harmless, right Tessa...You really are too much sometimes!"

Crossing her arms over her chest, Tessa defended her actions. "You told me how Jax looks at her, how long has it been since he's even shown the slightest interest in someone? He's stopped seeing Collette, he doesn't even come by the studio...It's not a big deal Aria, chill the fuck out. It was just a little incentive that's all."

Aria wasn't so sure, but it didn't matter now.

"Okay fine, but no more Tessa I mean it..."

()()()()()

_Hours later, in Washington..._

Road weary and tired, Chib's sat back on the worn leather sofa in the Club house. The others milling around, playing pool, grabbing a beer. Checking his messages for the first time all day he read through a few before he came to Tessa's. He'd felt conflicted since they'd left, hating that he'd waited so long to talk to her about the package. It wasn't exactly something he'd wanted to leave unspoken for an entire week but he hadn't exactly been left much choice. Opening the conversation he scrolled through and when he saw the picture he nearly choked on his sip of beer, the malt liquor going down the wrong pipe.

Keeping the phone's screen pressed against his shirt front he made his way towards the bar where Jax was speaking with Hap, leaning against the bar he waited for the President to notice his shit eating grin. Unable to pass of this rich opportunity. Setting his drink down on the bar, Jax glanced at Hap before addressing his VP, the look on his face telling the Son chances were it meant nothing good.

"What...What the fuck is it?"

Being purposely un-forthcoming, the Scotsman wagged a finger.

"Ah ah ah, it's nothing bad...In fact it might just cheer you up."

Sliding the phone across the bar, Jax snatched it up still looking at Chib's with a confused expression on his face until he refreshed the screen.

"Just tell me one thing, Jackie Boy. Do you prefer Blue or Green?"


End file.
